IS IT DECEMBER ALREADY???

Yep, a whole year is nearly coming to an end ... so have you done everything you set out to do in wee January 2009?

Me ... I stopped making new year resolutions so many eons ago ... coz first, I never get them done (haha! lazy being the key word here). Secondly. resolutions become meaningless when its all a bunch of "promises" that are always-never fulfilled. Thirdly, I know myself too well ... it'll just be a waste of time to tell myself, order thyself to go and do something ...

So after all is said & done, the year is gonna end whether I made resolutions or not. Whether I made it through the year, unscathed & alive is more important to me. This year has been a mixed bag of emotions - good & bad, happy & sad. There were high points & low ones were, aplenty.

I learnt a lot about myself ... how weak I can get, how strong I can be, how the future ... can be changed if I want it to. As we enter the month of December, I foresee a bunch of enjoyable times ahead - with bonuses, birthdays, public holidays, etc. But December also brings a lot of sadness to me too - its the month my lovable cat, Baby died (last year, in 2008). It is also the month my dear Mother-in-law passed away.

I know Hubby always gets (very) sad this time of the year. I know he misses his dear mum very much. I miss her too ... sometimes. She was a gentle, loving, wonderful lady. I lucked out when I got her as my mum-in-law coz I never had an "evil", demanding, naggy or ever-imposing MIL, like a lot of married women. I had a relatively smooth relationship with her. She was very caring, ever self-sacrificing (to a point of suffering) & she's always concerned about our well-being.

One of my greatest regret was not being able to have my son, Ryan ... whilst she was still alive. I know she would have loved Ryan very very much. He (Ryan) would be her only grandson ... to carry on the family's surname. And I guess coz Ryan looks soo much like his Daddy, I know Mum would have loved him even more.

I was blog-hopping the other day & saw a bunch of cute photos of a cat that looked like Baby. I was quickly reminded of him, how he used to meow (excessively), greedily eat too much, slept like a piggy & being nonchalant about most things around him. When he was alive, he did not fail to "irritate" me (most days) but I knew I loved him. Being with me for close to 18 long years, he was like a "son" to me, someone that I had the responsibility to take care of ... until his end of days.

Why do we miss the ones we love so much ... when they are surely gone? Is it because we miss telling them, how much we loved them, how much they mean to us, how much they brighten our days, how much regret ... we would feel in our hearts because we were too shy ... to say it? Why do we keep silent with tender words of kindness (& love) but easily lambast those who hurt us? Isn't it more fulfilling to tell someone you love them ... rather then being nasty & horrible to them? We don't value the ones that we love, the ones that love us despite our imperfections, in spite of all our weaknesses, in spite of all of our wrong-doings, in spite of all our warts! Shouldn't we show & profess love ... now .... before its too late ... for regrets!

I do not wish to live with regrets (though that's aplenty) ... that's why I am making a concerted effort (more than ever) to tell & show the people who love me .... that I love them too. Who knows ... if our time runs short? Who knows if its our (or their) time to leave? Who knows what tomorrow brings? Everyone ... please give the ones you love, a big hug tonight! It'll be worth it, I tell you!

Sigh ... I guess we all miss ... the ones that are gone, the ones that are lost .... but they will always be remembered in our hearts ... forever.

Rest in peace, Mum & Baby! We miss you both ... always!

P.S : As I write & read this entry, I can't help but have tears in my eyes. Yes ... I'm mushy & cry easily but ... I can't help it. That's just who I am, I guess.