2001 TH POST !!!

Oops! I had wanted to write up something short, for my 200th post (when I saw the 196th post yesterday) but I kinda just plain forgotten ... hehe! I guess it doesn't help that I am now trying (valiantly) to get almost all of my back-dated posts up to date ... that at times, I do up to 4 or five posts at a time. Talk about being rather PRO-ductive ... haha!

Well, well ... I never thought I'll get this far, to tell you the truth. I must say that I do rather enjoy "yakking" away on my blog ... about our latest adventures and expeditions. Not to mention our never-ending quest to find cheap & delicious food, affordable buys or just the many random things that we do, as a family. We enjoy searching & introducing new experiences to my little boy & putting it up here, for Ryan to ponder on. He just loves to sit on my lap & look through my blog (especially when I'm busy updating). Yep! my son loves to look at the millions of photos that I snap & put up here, in blogland. That always puts a smile on my face coz at least I know ... all my effort, in taking those pictures, putting them up & with the mighty-lengthy narration (no less) ... is being appreciated & cherished. * smiles *

Never was it my intention to start this blog ... to get worldwide readers, advertisement "traffic" or free stuff. Though I sometimes wish that my life is a little more exciting, I am basically a very simple person. I am contented with the simplest things & just happy & thankful that my family is safe, healthy & well loved. That's all. Haha ... I guess the only 5 people that read my blog are - Me, Ryan (ok, he doesn't know how to read yet but he looks at the pics, so that counts, rite?), my Hubby, my younger sis & my buddy, Jess. See ... I told you my life was boring & won't interest that many people. But really ... that's ok with me ... even if no one else reads my blog, I would be A-OK ... coz I am really writing it for me ... myself ... and I !!!

I am equally amazed ... that some mummy bloggers manage to find the time to update their blogs, every day! Granted most of them are stay at home mums (like me) but still? .... Really, I just can't find the time nor energy to write an entry ... every single day of the week. I would find that such a chore, an obligation even! I update whenever I can, if I have something to say (or rant about) ... or some photos to upload. I guess that's why I've got so many back-dated stuff to write on. Yes, I don't have a full time job ... but anyone that's been a full time housewife knows that its not all free & easy, being at home. There's always a ton of chores to be done, 3 meals to prepare & cook (almost daily), dishes to wash & put away, laundry to do, clothes to fold, toys to keep & re-arrange, (baby) bottoms to clean, showers for the hyper-active kid, etc. Its a never-ending chore list ... that never gets done & once you finish doing something ... some other thing, awaits you.

You don't have time-offs, annual leave, MC-sick leave, maternity leave, child-sick leave, year end bonus, 13th month pay, yearly increments, salary upgrades ... the list goes on. Heck! You don't even get bl**dy paid! All your hard work is F.O.C - free of charge! You don't get appreciated nor appraised, you don't get flowers or a fantastic lunch treat on Secretaries' Day (like I used to), shucks! you don't get anything! Zip !!!

But would I give all this up to go back to work? .... NAH! Nope! I am contented being a stay at home mum, taking care of my only son. I take care of his & my Hubby's daily needs. I am hands-on in nearly every aspect of Ryan's life, since the day he was born ... & eventhough its back-breaking & extremely tiring at times, the countless hugs & kisses he gives me everytime ... makes up for it! All of the sleepless nights, vomit, piss, poop that Ryan has kindly "deposited" on me .... its all part & parcel of my journey, into becoming a better parent ... one day!

I'm really just glad that I took up writing, blogging. It has allowed me to rant, grumble ... & bitch, all I want ... whilst allowing me to stay sane & happy. Pouring my thoughts & feelings here has allowed me to be a better person (I hope) & given me a creative outlet to (sometimes) vent my anger & frustrations. Heck! It even helped me get through a very tough & sad episode this year. It allowed me to cry, write depressing anecdotes, pen sobbingly mushy poems, it let me grief ... on my own terms. In time I learnt to accept my situation & move forward. It helped me make the right decision & to give myself the time & space to grieve my past .... & yet to look forward, into the future. Amen!

Whatever 2010 & beyond has in store for me, I will bravely stand tall & fight ... for a better tomorrow, for my family. Be damned to those who look down on us, be damned to those who doubt us, be damned to those disbelievers, be damned to those who belittle us ... we don't need your sympathy nor your callous words. Keep your biting thoughts to yourself & leave us alone to fight our own battles. We will survive, we will make it, we will still be here .... when all is said & done!

100TH POST ...

As I've seen with other blogs, people celebrate the 100th of everything - blog posts, bentos, recipes, etc. I wasn't trying to be like the many drone ants out there but ironically, here I am reflecting all that I've written in the past 100 entries. As I was posting the previous entry, I realised that this was gonna be my 100th post. Hhhmm, wow ... I've mused, ranted, grumbled, bitched for at least a hundred times ... haha!well, at least on this blog. Wow! I am amazed that I've gotten this far. When I started this blog, it was from the urgings of my sis, to write a little bit about my son, Ryan ... but this blog has been the perfect avenue for me to pour out my feelings & more.

I am 1st & foremost Ryan's mum but I am also my hubby's wife, my parent's daughter, my niece & nephews' aunt, my buddies' friend but I am also my own person. Through this blog, I have managed to pen down some of my innermost feelings, stuff that I probably couldn't relate to anyone in particular. Eventhough I have people around me that are willing to listen to my endless rumblings, there are times that you just need to ponder things for yourself. Writing here is like talking to a psychiatrist if you will, but its just that the good doctor doesn't talk back & you get no pearls of wisdom in return. Heck! you just try to figure things out for yourself ... just like many things in life.

Calling it therapeutic, is an understatement, coz it really is! Blogging allows you to write out some pent up feelings, reflect on the current state of your "miserable" life & makes you ponder awhile ... while life goes on. Putting things in print allows you to look back on your past life, & let's you rediscover what really matters, are the simple moments like holding hands & having a good meal ... with your loved ones.

It also allowed me to show "off" to the world ... my beautiful family - my hubby, Steven & my son, Ryan, whom I love so dearly, whom I don't deserve. It allowed me to put up the tonnes of photographs that might have gone "buried" in computer-land coz they were not printed & hidden, long forgotten. Putting the countless pictures here allowed me to enjoy all the special moments we shared & let me see how my son has grown, these past two years. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing him literally, grow up in pictures. Its turned out to be an invaluable point of reference for me to look & see, how far we've come ... till today. I am really glad that I chose to blog last year & I don't think I will stop any time soon.

Through blogging, I have also come across many other blogging sites that I've learnt & picked up ideas from. Recently it has even piqued my interest in Bentos, the Japanese art of packed lunch. I was keen to try out packing snacks & lunch for my son coz he's been a really fussy eater & I thought, if I had to decorate & cutie-fy his food so that he'll eat more, than that's what I will do. Well, you never will know how 1 thing, leads to another.

Blogging has also allowed me to revisit the simple art of writing. I've always loved the written word. Infact, I've had designs when I was much younger ... to be a writer of sorts. Funny how life works & the decisions that you make doesn't always lead you to your unfulfilled destination. As obvious to everyone, I am definitely not a paid writer for I have no paper qualifications to speak of but I'll be damned if someone is gonna shut the writer in me.

Eventhough my sentences are far from perfect, my grammar in shambles, my punctuations gone awry ... this will not stop me from writing. I may not exhibit the distinctions that I've gotten during the major exams, I am sure getting some practise out of it. My writings ain't perfect & I will be the first to tell you that but blogging has definitely helped me "release" the pent-up-imprisoned-writer that just yearns to jump out of the surprise birthday cake. I can still rant like no other, I am still as long-winded & I can "yak" & grumble non-stop ... but I take it all, as I am who I am.

Forgive my humble assumptions that some people might actually enjoy reading my writings but I am writing this blog 1st & foremost for my son, myself & my hubby. If someone out there, enjoys reading the simple life that I lead & appreciate my cynical outlook & pessimistic views on life, than good for them & I thank you for that. Me ... I just do it coz its good for me ... & my sanity. If one day, I stop enjoying it ... I will just stop but at the moment, its not too soon.

Happy blogging Lynn! Be yourself ... for at the end of the day, that's all you have.