UPDATE, UPDATE!

If you haven't heard by now, I've been busy "at work" on my new 365 blog.

I initially  thought it would be a great failure but I am pleasantly surprised that I am newly energised by all that daily blogging. I guess the 365-element allowed me the freedom to write up short updates & updating the blog with simple-oh-so-lame pictures of our daily lives.

It is actually refreshing & it does force me to be creative & look at things in a different perspective. I may not update everyday but I do try to re-tell the daily activities that we do all week. It really has been a renewed feeling!

That brings me to this blog .....

I don't know if I want to keep up this blog coz it really is so back-logged with stuff from the last quarter of 2009 till about August 2010 when I started the 365 blog. It is so over-due that it its duly embarrassing! But I know in my heart that the stories need to be told, the photos needed to be published. As I always say, I blog mainly for Ryan's (future) memories & of course my sanity! I don't know if Ryan will even bother to read the blog in the future or think about the effort (& tears) that I put in to keep the blog alive & well. It really is an open diary from me ... to my beloved son.

I don't know, we'll see ...

Anyhoo, do drop by for old news if you're vaguely interested. I will also try to update the long (draggy, mushy) stuff here, as the 365 blog is supposed to be short & sweet.

I will try, folks!

Meanwhile, take care & smile always, peeps!

A HAND-ME DOWN JACKET

Ryan is a lucky little boy. He gets tons of hand-me-downs from family & (Mummy's) friends. And in return, when Ryan's outgrows the many clothes or toys, we pay it forward by giving away these toys to other family & friends. Many a times we have given them to charitable organisations too.

Its my way of passing on & blessing others with the many blessings bestowed on us. These items may not be new but they are still in good working condition. Besides, kids outgrow clothes & toys within a blink of an eye that it'll be such a waste to buy brand new when you can get them as hand-me-downs.This also works out for us as we are trying very hard to be ultra-frugal these days. 

I am not a parent that scorns at second-hand goodies. Nor am I vaguely embarrassed to admit openly that my son wears a LOT of pre-worn clothes & plays with a huge variety of wonderful pre-loved toys. 

The fact that Ryan has so many hand-me-downs stuff ... shows that so many people around him ... love him, right? See .. I told you Ryan is one lucky kid!

Ok, so ... the hooded-jacket was given to Ryan by my friend, Lisa (used to be her kids'). Ryan looks cute when he raises the hood to his pretty little head. Here I got some nice pics of him at home.

HAPPY SCHOOL DAYS

Ryan has been going to a playgroup for more than eight months now (since the start of the year 2010). The initial stage wasn't a pretty picture but now he's been enjoying his daily school trips. Sometimes I try to snap pics of him before he embarks for that daily 2 hour session.

Why ... you might ask ... take photos of Ryan getting ready to go to school? Well, isn't going to school ... a rite of passage for every child?! So there! Hehe ....

See ... what I'm faced with every day ....

P/S : The logo of his school has been smudged/erased from the photos. Didn't want to put them out in the blog - confidential issues & all. Just so if you were wondering ... if his uniform was bleached or something. Nope!

ANOTHER MONTHLY BIRTH-DAY?

Yep! You read that right!

If you have been reading this blog, ahem ... rather diligently, you might have seen some "oh-so-lame" yet rather impor-tant cake-blowing sessions that we have for our family ... well, it's just for the naughty munchkin (haha! not for the adults).

Yep, just like most kids his age, my Ryan enjoys blowing birthday candles. Errm ... not so much eating the cake though. Ryan seems to dislike any sort of cake these days ... I really don't know why. So this time round, I had this "brilliant" idea to buy a sugar-glazed donut instead. Donuts (among other things) are his new favourites, especially ones topped with chocolate or chocolate sprinkles.

Let's not forget the lone candle!

Smile for the camera!

A single blow will do it!

Will we still do this monthly cake-blowing-thingy in the future? I think we will. As long as Ryan still loves it & enjoys blowing the cartoon-decorated-cake, we will still humour him, with a candle. I think its just a simple act to show to our kid ... that we love him! That every month we spent with him ... is worth celebrating! And although its rather lame for most people, we still do it! I admit that we don't do it every single month ... due to forgetfulness & busy-busy days, but when we decide to do it, we usually celebrate it with little fanfare ... just that lone candle & cake for my angel, Ryan.

How do you celebrate the joy ... your kid brings to you? It may not be that cake or donut or eclair (or presents?), but I am sure every one of us have our own way to commemorate the happiness our children bring to our lives. I know me & Hubby will still keep on doing it, for as long as we can.

A SHORT UPDATE

Hello world!

Ermm ... if you were wondering, yes! we are still alive. Haha! Busy with our mundane lives but still just plain busy. Lots have happened these past couple of months & before you know it .... its the month of August. I've been lag ... the blog's been kinda dead. I know ... I know, no excuses ... it just is. I have such a backlog of photos & stories that it gives me a headache just thinking about it. All I can do is do my best. No promises ... just a concerted effort on my part.

Hey! its just a couple of months before 2010 is over & I haven't even begun updating about the whole year. I don't really know why I've been so lazy with the blog, maybe its just "blog fatigue" or sheer laziness. Its not that I don't have things to share. We do plenty around here, Ryan's been growing (though very slowly) & we have enough activities to keep us busy ... I just don't know where the time went. I hope to change that real soon. I do kinda missed blogging though ... & I feel really dreadful "mummy-guilt" for not documenting my adorable son's milestones ... all the important stuff that needs to be etched in memories & remembered ... for years to come.

Well, here's to more updates ... ya?

P.S : A new start calls for a new outlook, don't you think? Hope you guys like the new look of the blog. Just a fresh outlook, that's all.

MY TWO PRECIOUS BOYS !

The title says it all, ya!

They are both oh so precious to me ... but I'm sometimes ... their harshest critic, & at times ... push them the hardest.

Why do we do that?

Why are we the worst critics, of the ones we love most?

I guess its because we want only the best for them, nothing less! I am far more guilty of that, than most people would like to admit. I know I have to be strong ... & let them make their own mistakes, some-times. I know that its better to be loving & supportive than be destructive verbally but most times, its hard for me.

"Hold thy tongue ... & let love show you the way."

HERE WE GO AGAIN ...

Dear loved ones,

It's a public holiday today (we get to drive) but we were at home the entire day, rotting away (we usually don't). Ermm .... what was wrong?? Well, my poor baby, Ryan is down with high fever (once again!) since Wednesday & hasn't recovered yet. He's (so) frequently falling sick these days ... that my heart skips-many-a-beat (not in the good-excited way, ok!) whenever he has a slight temperature!

Dear God, please make my baby better ... he's had a tough couple of months recently & just when he's over the bend ... he falls sick again. Poor thing! I'm sometimes so tired & drained but I am very relieved that Hubby is around to help me these couple of months. As much as I grumble (& nag), I'm very glad & extremely grateful to have his love, support & helping hands, during these tough times.

Why you might wonder am I on the blog yakking away, all of a sudden? Errm ... Hubby finally starts on his 2nd job today. Whilst his 1st job is more on an adhoc basis & doesn't bring money in all the time, Hubby had to take on a 2nd job that feeds the family, regularly. Unfortunately, the 2nd job entails long hours & regular night shifts. There are times that I wonder ... whether we did the right thing? .... Hubby left his old job for so many reasons. Our current situation might never make us millionaires, heck it might not even make his old pay but all I can say is that - there's no turning back now!

Whatever may come,
Whatever will be ...
We will face it together, as a family.

We will stay strong,
We will be resilient,
We will stand united,
We will defy the naysayers,
We will make it ... no matter what!
Heck! There's no other damn way ....!

Its sometimes hard to stay positive. Its sometimes hard to be super-duper optimistic ... but we have to try the best that we can. We have chosen this path for our family & we will be moving forward, not backwards, damn it! Deep in my heart, I really do believe that we made the right decision ... but there are times, when even the strongest supporter (muah!) has lingering-doubts of her own.

I may not know a lot of things ... but the one thing that I am sure of is this - Ryan just loves having his Daddy around the home, all day long! During the pass six months or so, these 2 guys have built a bond so strong that recently Ryan sprouted this priceless gem :

Ryan : Daddy, go where?

Me : Daddy, go work, darling.

(I sometimes tell Ryan that his Daddy is working, when he's out of the home like attending courses or running some errands for the day. I know its 'cruel' but its just easier that way. When his Daddy's home, he will ... never fail, to ask again).

Ryan : Daddy, go where?

Hubby : Daddy, go work.

Ryan : No! Daddy dun go work, (sometimes he will also say : Mummy, dun go work, too ... haha!)

Hubby : Daddy, have to go to work darling.

Ryan : Daddy, dun go work. Daddy, stay at home. I go work!

(Oh! how I wish that was true! Especially ... when you are much older & get to read this blog entry, I will hold you to your word, my little angel)!

If you ask Hubby whether leaving his job was worth it, just to hear those precious words from his only son, he'll probably give you a resounding Y-E-S! The 2 boys have forged a relationship so strong that its so endearing & heartfelt, its such a fulfillment that brings so much joy, in Hubby's eyes. That alone ... makes everything worth it!

Your kid is only 3 (years old) once, for when that (certain) age passed ... you will never, ever get it back! Spending precious time with his son, has made it all worthwhile. We may never have riches, we may never be rich, heck ... we may never have a lot of money ... but the one thing that we have is a close-knitted family that is full of love & devotion. Nothing can buy that!

If it means that we have to eat home-cooked meals everyday, shop less, buy less, own less ... then so be it! At least, we have each other. Coz if we were to die tomorrow, we will have died with less regrets, coz we spent those precious & priceless moments with our son. He will always know that we love him so much & everything that we do is for him, alone. He will never have to question our love for him, he will always know that we will do everything within our power to give him a wonderful, stable & loving environment. He will always be loved & he will always know that we love him. That will never ever change!

I will try to blog more frequently & upload some photos real soon, to get everyone up to speed ... on all the on-goings these pass couple of months. Till then .... stay strong everyone!

Always, Lynn.

A LITTLE RESPECT PLEASE!

Let me ask you ... is it so wrong to ask for a little respect? Well I guess it is ... for some people! Although, I am no angel, although I am just as imperfect, as the next person standing next to me, although I am so-far-off, from being the best Mummy, wife, daughter, sister(-in-law), aunt, friend or neighbour ... I know ... I try my darnest in almost anything I do in life. So why is it so hard ... to ask for some bloody R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Arrgh! I'm not one to go into details or wash ALL my dirty-linen in public, NO ... I have too much pride for that! But its getting increasingly more difficult to grit my worn-down teeth ... or bear with it! Am I supposed to bear with the humiliation ... just so I can make peace with the world or those around me? Am I supposed to just "fake-a-smile" & pretend that I am having the time of my life ... when in my heart ... I feel so utterly humiliated? Am I supposed to swallow my "extremely-limited" pride & hold my (acid) tongue, in public??!

Is it so damn hard to ask for a little respect?

Am I not worth it ????

Am I not worthy .... at all ???!

There's no point in elaborating or explaining. I guess I will get over this ... like I do, with so many things in my ever-pathetic life (do I even have any other choice?) ... but its been try-ing & so damn HARD!

Hard on my pride ...

Hard on my self-worth ...

Hard on my confidence ...

Hard for my soul.

I'm just venting .... really .... I neeeeeed to! Or else ... other worst things might come out of my potty mouth. No one wants to hear the kind of words that I'm really capable of .... when I'm pissed off! So I usually try to bite my tongue & bear with it. Coz when I can't bear it any longer, the do-er with definitely face my wrath ... & usually, it ain't a pretty picture!

Sheesh! I think ... I'm feeling a bit better now ... just a little ok?!

Back to real life ... huh?

HELLOOOOO .... EVERYONE !

Yes, its me! Nope, we did not fall off the face of the Earth & disappeared ... just busy with stuff, that's all. I have been a terrible blogger coz I know I have tonnes of stuff to blog & I still did not move my big butt ... & just do it. I don't know when I will be able to get myself up to date & I do feel kinda stressed about it ... haha, yes ... I know I'm anal like that, well that's just me.

A quick update!

Hubby's officially now a civilian. For those in the know, we are now officially stepping into a new phase of our life. One bad news though .... errm ... Hubby did not get his (last & final) pay ... yet! That just pissed me off, big time! I mean who works & don't get paid ... DUH! I mean if you were employed by a small-time company, then maybe ... but those who know who was Hubby's employer (our government, no less!) sees it fit to not give him his last pay check on his last day of work (they see fit to only pay him at the end of the month!!!) WTF!!! Our last paycheck was during the 2nd week of January (!!) & we've been gingerly hanging by a thread ever since ... we still are! I am totally pissed off & angry ... coz we were really caught off guard! You would think that one of the biggest employer in the country could at least get this simple thing right ... but I guess Hubby is just a small fry in their big organisation. Nobody cares about the "little men" - the rich & powerful only take care of each other! So while we hang on for dear life with what little money we have left, I am still fuming & bloody enraged! The pay better be in by the end of this month .... or someone's gonna get chopped big time! (it could be Hubby ... haha!).

Well, let's move on to (other much) nicer things ....

My dear Ryan's ... been going to school. There are good days & some not so good ones. He's been crying & refusing to stay in school, clutching on to me or his Daddy (for dear life). He's also missed nearly an entire week of school in February (being very sick) just before Chinese New Year (more about that in a separate entry). So as you can guess, after the loooong weekend ... he was not very happy that he had to (re)attend school. Tears & more tears ensued! Sigh ....

I've been cooking (a lot) these days. Its getting (much) better & I'm relieved to say that I'm coping with the new schedule. When Ryan is in school, I get more than a hour or so of "ME-Time". The house is oooh-so-quiet (you can hear a pin drop) & I can (get to) do some light reading, cook in peace, log on the Internet or just catch up on some daily chores. It seems (much) easier to do certain things, when there's no (rather annoying) 3 year old, breathing down your neck, bugging you every 30 seconds. Oh! don't get me wrong ... Ryan's the love of my life, but every-one needs a little time & space .... even from their loved ones. My (short) time & space comes ... when Ryan goes to playgroup, daily. I thank God ... for helping me keep my sanity & my wits .....

As we are stepping into a new phase of our lives, we have gone totally frugal (meaning : thrifty, cheap-skate) . We try to cut costs by eating more at home (for almost every meal), especially on weekdays. We are trying to cut corners wherever & whenever we can. Its been a tough & interesting journey but we're still learning & experimenting. I am glad to report that Hubby is a firm supporter of this "Frugal Drive". In fact, he comes out with equally (bizarre) cost-cutting measures that help us to trim our expenses, even more. He's also been good at giving me support & lending a helping hand ... in executing these measures. I am glad to report that Ryan has been a real trooper too. He doesn't seem to mind or even remotely care that we are spending a l-o-t of time at home (that's a huge relief!). In fact because we tend eat more at home, his appetite is getting much better! I hope that continues.

I have also been reading a lot on frugal blogs, to pick up any tips that I can possibly try out. I noticed that a lot of these blogs are based in the USA (by mums) & not many local/Asian ladies blog about being frugal (not that we are not frugal). So I guess although a lot of their tips are not really relevant here in sunny Singapore - winter & snow, heating & electricity, Goodwill, couponing, even their penchant of eating lots & lots of beans (?) .... there are still plenty that I can learn. So I'm hoping to learn more from there thrifty ladies - & be a thrifty one, myself.

To tell you the truth, I have actually started a few other blogs in the past ... Yah! Don't laugh ok! I know ... I can't even keep up with one blog, why bother to create more! Well, I did it because I didn't want to write about those specific topics in this blog ... as "Three's-A-Company" is more of a family blog, more about our daily life .... not so much about my many interests. I am at a crossroad ... do I combine these blogs together? I guess one of the reason why I separated them is because when people go to my other blogs, they only read about those specific topic & not so much about my personal life (which I'm not that keen). I know ... isn't it so ironic? If you don't want people to know about your personal details ... then why bother to blog rite? Arrgh! I guess its a fine line of knowing certain details about a blogger that bothers me a little. Take for example my other blogs - I set up 1 blog for being frugal, 1 blog for Bentos & one blog for meals that I cook for my family. The frugal & Bento blog was created last year & hasn't been updated regularly. The new blog I created this year - on cooking home-cooked meals, was something I did up, so that I can get a better idea & keep a "visual-track" of what I cook for my family. I am no great cook & there are no recipes to show (for now) coz I am not confident that anyone wants any of my simple recipes ... haha! I cook & take pictures to "inspire" myself - & encourage my lazy ass to prepare a variety of dishes, create or learn some new & healthy recipes to feed my (rather fussy) family. Not only do the recipes have to be dead easy, they have to be frugal (cheap) & not spicy because I refuse to cook a separate dish just for my kid. Everyone eats the same stuff in this house .... I ain't the maid!

So that's it guys ... a rather long update on our current state of life. I'll try to get some pics up very soon. I guess first up - should be Ryan's 3rd birthday (waaaaay back in January). Ain't I a horrible Mummy ...?!!

Tell me if you guys are vaguely interested in reading up on the other blogs & I'll happily oblige. Meanwhile, take care & I'll see you in ..... real life! To-de-looooooo !!!!

220TH POST!

Haha ... wasn't my intention, to write about the the 220th entry but it had a nice ring to it. Besides, this will be probably my last entry for 2009, so I just wanna end it on a nicer figure ... haha! Yes, I know ... lame excuse.

My other excuse ... is to put up pictures of my 2 boys. They have given me some cute poses lately, so I just wanted to put them up here ... to round up my year.

Although life has been extremely tough, both of them make .... everything worthwhile. We may have our rough patches, we may have our disagreements, we may have our arguments ... but I love them both, with all my heart & soul. I don't know where I'll be, without them .... in my life.

To my two darlings, I love you both ... more now, than ever! Please stay the course with me & I know .... we will make it through, on the other side!

(P.S : Yes ... I'm being nostalgic & mushy. So sue me! )

S IT NEW YEAR'S EVE ... ALREADY?

Oh my God! Where did 2009 go? Has it been a year already? It really went by lightning fast! I can recall nearly a year ago, (when) we just celebrated Ryan's 2nd birthday ... & soon we will be celebrating his 3rd! Oh my gosh! I can't believe that my boy is turning three (very) soon. Ok, so he's still small-sized ... but he's been making great steps forward (more on his developments in an another entry).
As I look back on 2009, I feel rather tired ... & a tinge of sadness. It has been a very trying year for me (& my family) but I know I have a whole lot to be thankful for. Eventhough life has been pretty damn tough for us this year, we are still together, alive & kicking! We made it through (barely) ... but I am glad we are still here, stronger than ever! Although 2010, is expected to be (yet) another tough year for us, with Hubby changing jobs & money being tight ... I pray, that we will make it through. I hope God is looking out for us ... protecting us. I hope He senses our (urgent) needs & I hope He will shower us with His Grace & Blessings. I pray for my family's happiness & health, I pray for enough funds to feed, clothe, & shelter us. I pray for a better life ahead ...
I realised although December is nearly over, I still have a lot of back-log to clear & even more pictures to upload. I haven't even blogged about my birthday nor our short trip to KL. I am quite bogged down with stuff these days. With what ... you might ask? Errm, with stuff ... haha!

With hubby at home these past few weeks (he's clearing his annual leave), I have been busy feeding both him & my boy. I tell you ... cooking & cleaning up, 3 times a day (plus the usual mundane daily chores) .... is no joke! Just when you finish one meal, you have to start preparing the next meal. Of course, you also have to figure out the next day's menu. Also the grocery shopping that goes with all the cooking ... errm, hey its no fun at all! I wonder how some people do it?! I really thought it would be a total breeze for me (as I have definitely been cooking more these days) to prepare & cook everyday but I have to admit .... its been damn tiring! Not to mention the endless menu that I have to think up ... so that the family won't get bored eating the same old thing everyday. Trying to think up the various ways to make (boring) chicken wings extremely delicious is extremely ... taxing, to say the least! Trying to keep things simple (easy) & under budget is also a given, knowing that we have to tighten our belts pretty soon.
Arrgh! I pray that God will keep me sane, during these trying times ....


If I don't get the chance to meet everyone ... just wanted to wish ... one & all - Happy New Year! May 2010 bring better times ahead - lots of luck, love & health. Stay safe & treasure your loved ones!

MY SON IS TURNING 3 ... NEXT MONTH!

Yes, in about a month's time, my little boy will be turning 3! Wow! How time flies! It was not long ago that I gave birth to that tiny bundle. Okay, so he was cut from my stomach ... but who wants to argue with me, on that!

Ryan, being Ryan ... was an unexpected Gift from God, as he was definitely unplanned. We waited for a child for the longest time ... so we definitely, did not see him coming. He came in our 9th year of marriage ... a long time for most married couples. Eventhough he was conceived naturally, Ryan did not want to come into this world without some "excitement" & fanfare - he was a "drama" prince, even when he was born. Not only did he gave me an emergency C-sect ... (no, no not blaming him ... just stating a fact ya!), he "wanted" to stay in hospital, for the next 11 days of his new life. Not being able to bring my baby back home with me (from my hospital stay) ... was one of the saddest thing in my life, then (guess I was having some post-natal blues). Most Mummies get to bring their baby home with them, when they leave ... nope, I wasn't one of them.

Today, almost 35 months have passed (that's nearly three years) ... yep, just one more month to go, before Ryan reaches a monumental, 3 years of age. As I look forward to having a mini celebration for Ryan (with my extended family), I am both happy & full of emotions ... when I look back on three years worth of memories ... all in photographs. When I look at them pictures, I am filled with much happiness ... for I am really thrilled that I managed to get a lot of Ryan's early growing up years, in print. I never regretted being the trigger-happy Mama coz how else am I gonna get gems of my little boy growing up.

Looking at the many photos, I can also see how both me & Hubby have grown to be parents, when for many years we had gotten used to just the two of us. Changing our lives & growing into better people (I hope), Ryan's birth & presence has turned us into better human beings. We are still learning, we are still trying, we are still experimenting ... & yet we have learnt so much & there is still much to learn!

I knew Hubby would make a wonderful Father ... & I was right! From the first day that his son was born, Steven has been a very hands-on Daddy. Sometimes he seems to revel in doing the most mundane thing for his boy. He enjoys changing his son (yep, he does poopy diapers too), giving Ryan a shower, washing the car (with sonny boy in tow) ... or even simple things like bringing his boy for a round-about trip on a bus ... just because! (Ryan just loves bus rides). I can see that he loves his son too .... very very much. I think we always tend to forget the Daddies in the rearing of the children. A lot of fathers think that being a good father is bringing home the (big) bacon. Nope, I beg to differ! Being a good father is spending precious quality time with your child ..... doing the most mundane thing. I can see that Hubby is becoming a better father each day. It touches my heart ... always!

Ryan has given me so much to be thankful for ... because of him, I was able to become a Mother. Although, we would have loved to have a second child with us, I guess God knew what's best for us, as a family. There are times that I wished for a playmate & sibling for my boy but there are times that I feel that we shouldn't tempt Fate. God has blessed us with one healthy child ... we are eternally grateful & blessed.

Mummy & Papa, love you Ryan! Hope you will enjoy your small birthday party next month. Eventhough we can't throw you a huge celebration, we hope you will have fond memories of your 3rd birthday when you are older. *Kiss Kiss!*

I wanted to put up some pics of Ryan on the monumental years of his life. Here it goes ...

His newborn photo (still in the hospital). See the sharp nose & rose-bud red lips. Well, the sharpness is gone (I guess courtesy of Mummmy's genes & flat nose, arrgh! should have had Daddy's sharper nose). His lips are still pink but no longer red ... oh well! He's still as cute as a button!

On the morning that he turned 1! So cute rite?! Ryan is one of the happiest child I have ever met. He's always happy & smiling.

Looking cute!

On the day that he turned 2! I took him for a train ride to the mall. He loved it!

Having his favourite Egg Prata. Yummy! See how Ryan's grown ... now he can feed himself, no need for Mummy to help (ya, rite ... as if! Mummy still feeds him ok!)

Oh Barney! How I love thee!

Oooooh! Mummy let me sit on a super big bike. Sweeeeet! It must be because its my birthday!

(These following pics were also taken in 2009). Another of his favourite bike ride. Acting cheeky, as usual.

Giving me one of my model-like pose (acting cool & not smiling), I seem to get a few of these poses lately ....

(This was taken in late November 09, whilst kite-flying). See how my boy has grown ... he plays with his own kite now (with a LOT of help from Daddy, no less).

When I look at these photos, I can't help but feel ... how my boy has grown over the years. From a helpless little thing, all wrapped up in a blanket ... to a gregarious toddler that has boundless energy. And although Ryan drives me up the wall, sometimes ... with his many antics, its his "nonsense" that makes me love him even more. There's no one like my Ryan & though he tests my patience (many times in a day), although he "grates" on my nerves, although he makes me angry (a lot of times) ... I love him, more than anything in the world.

I finally know what a Mother's love feel like. I am a Mummy now ... & although I have a lot to learn, I am trying to learn from my mistakes ... every single day. Although I am not the best Mummy, I will always, always, always ... do my best for Ryan. I love him ... more & more each day. He gives me so much joy & happiness, I have a lot to be thankful for. Even if I die tomorrow, I would die contented ... for I've finally known (& felt) a child's love for his Mother. And although I would miss Ryan (oh so much) if I die ... I feel blessed to have given birth to him & having had the time to be his Mum. Does that make sense to you? Haha .... I'm being nonsensical, I guess!

IS IT DECEMBER ALREADY???

Yep, a whole year is nearly coming to an end ... so have you done everything you set out to do in wee January 2009?

Me ... I stopped making new year resolutions so many eons ago ... coz first, I never get them done (haha! lazy being the key word here). Secondly. resolutions become meaningless when its all a bunch of "promises" that are always-never fulfilled. Thirdly, I know myself too well ... it'll just be a waste of time to tell myself, order thyself to go and do something ...

So after all is said & done, the year is gonna end whether I made resolutions or not. Whether I made it through the year, unscathed & alive is more important to me. This year has been a mixed bag of emotions - good & bad, happy & sad. There were high points & low ones were, aplenty.

I learnt a lot about myself ... how weak I can get, how strong I can be, how the future ... can be changed if I want it to. As we enter the month of December, I foresee a bunch of enjoyable times ahead - with bonuses, birthdays, public holidays, etc. But December also brings a lot of sadness to me too - its the month my lovable cat, Baby died (last year, in 2008). It is also the month my dear Mother-in-law passed away.

I know Hubby always gets (very) sad this time of the year. I know he misses his dear mum very much. I miss her too ... sometimes. She was a gentle, loving, wonderful lady. I lucked out when I got her as my mum-in-law coz I never had an "evil", demanding, naggy or ever-imposing MIL, like a lot of married women. I had a relatively smooth relationship with her. She was very caring, ever self-sacrificing (to a point of suffering) & she's always concerned about our well-being.

One of my greatest regret was not being able to have my son, Ryan ... whilst she was still alive. I know she would have loved Ryan very very much. He (Ryan) would be her only grandson ... to carry on the family's surname. And I guess coz Ryan looks soo much like his Daddy, I know Mum would have loved him even more.

I was blog-hopping the other day & saw a bunch of cute photos of a cat that looked like Baby. I was quickly reminded of him, how he used to meow (excessively), greedily eat too much, slept like a piggy & being nonchalant about most things around him. When he was alive, he did not fail to "irritate" me (most days) but I knew I loved him. Being with me for close to 18 long years, he was like a "son" to me, someone that I had the responsibility to take care of ... until his end of days.

Why do we miss the ones we love so much ... when they are surely gone? Is it because we miss telling them, how much we loved them, how much they mean to us, how much they brighten our days, how much regret ... we would feel in our hearts because we were too shy ... to say it? Why do we keep silent with tender words of kindness (& love) but easily lambast those who hurt us? Isn't it more fulfilling to tell someone you love them ... rather then being nasty & horrible to them? We don't value the ones that we love, the ones that love us despite our imperfections, in spite of all our weaknesses, in spite of all of our wrong-doings, in spite of all our warts! Shouldn't we show & profess love ... now .... before its too late ... for regrets!

I do not wish to live with regrets (though that's aplenty) ... that's why I am making a concerted effort (more than ever) to tell & show the people who love me .... that I love them too. Who knows ... if our time runs short? Who knows if its our (or their) time to leave? Who knows what tomorrow brings? Everyone ... please give the ones you love, a big hug tonight! It'll be worth it, I tell you!

Sigh ... I guess we all miss ... the ones that are gone, the ones that are lost .... but they will always be remembered in our hearts ... forever.

Rest in peace, Mum & Baby! We miss you both ... always!

P.S : As I write & read this entry, I can't help but have tears in my eyes. Yes ... I'm mushy & cry easily but ... I can't help it. That's just who I am, I guess.

RYAN'S B-I-G RED RIDE

This ride is pretty realistic ... it really does look like a real sports car. The ones that we surely cannot afford (& even if we could ... we wouldn't). The ones that most (much) older men (with lots of moolah to waste) ... experiencing a mid-life crisis ... would buy! Its a red, black, mean machine ... & my boy enjoys sitting on it ... if only, for awhile.

As my Hubby pointed recently, to his son - "Like Mummy said ... Never, ever buy a car, that costs more than a house!" ... Yep, I really said that, whilst commenting about how wasteful & frivolous people can be ... with their hard-earned money. But I never thought that Hubby would turn my many often-ramblings, into a quotable QUOTE! Haha! I see the "wise-ness" in it ... & yet I guess most people, really don't!

Why would someone ... anyone spend S$ 250,000 on something, with four wheels! A car is just a means of transportation, it gets you from Point A to Point B. As long as it's safe & affordable, we are happy as peaches. Do you know what a quarter of a million dollars can do for the poor or needy? Do you know how much a charitable organisation can do with that kind of money? Do you know how many families can be helped with that moolah?? Isn't there a better way to spend that hard-earned money ... than being a show-off ... that's parading, telling the whole world - "Hey! I can afford a Porshe/Ferrari/BMW .... can you, huh?" People can be so wasteful sometimes, it really amazes me ... what goes on in their head!?

I let Ryan sit on this ride ... coz its the only sports car we can ever "afford". Even if Ryan can afford one (when he's an adult), I hope I would have instilled in him, values ... built enough character & maturity ... to see that wastefulness is not how, we try to lead our lives. I hope, even when Hubby & me are long gone ... my son will not lead a spendthrift life. I hope he will be an independent, thrifty & wise young man ... who knows the value of hard-earned money. I hope he leads a purposeful life. I hope he can tell ... what's a necessity ... what's a luxury; whats a need ... whats a want! I really hope ... he will make better choices in life!
As I grow older, I am (definitely) more jaded ... towards a life of wastefulness (if there's such a word). I feel myself becoming more simple (in my thinking) ... in how I lead my life now. I see the frivolity in a lot of things people do & that even includes my own stupid-buying-decisions (in the past). What used to be important to me then ... is no longer important to me now. Does that make ... any sense?
I am long past ... the material stage of my life. Maybe, as I approach my own mid-life (crisis) - usually the 40s (rite?) ... I have come to re-examine my own life & question a lot of what's happening around me. I now tend to make decisions that will simplify my family's life. A lot of things don't matter so much ... to me. Is that so difficult to accept ...?
Its not that I suddenly hate shopping .. on the contrary, I still love to (window) shop or buy (necessary) stuff. Its what I buy now ... that's a great contrast, to what I would have bought ... in the past. Its not that I suddenly hate (eating) food ... I'm still very much a foodie-to-the-core. It's just that all that expensive & delicious food ... is just that, only food! Food, whether in a foodcourt or in a high class restaurant ... still feeds our stomach, still satiate our hunger ... in the end, all food turns to poop! Duh!
As Hubby will be changing jobs next year, we as a family ... are gearing up for pretty tough times ahead. We will make it ... I know we will! Its just that it will be tough, in the beginning but I hope at the end of the day ... we will emerge stronger & better .... in spirits & financial standing.
We now tighten our belts ... so tightly. We cut costs whenever we can, we delay purchases that are non-emergency, we put off things that can (surely) wait, we spend less & yet ... we spend more time together. Infact, we are closer as a family now because we find other more meaningful things to occupy our time - yep, we do mundane things ... like spring cleaning our home (ever so often), go kite-flying, go to the library, go to public playgrounds ... activities that make happy memories, albeit cheaper ones.
Yes! ... we are definitely going the "el-cheapo" way ... but it seems to make us cherish each other, even more. Isn't that ... SUPER ironic ??! ...

Time to go!

2001 TH POST !!!

Oops! I had wanted to write up something short, for my 200th post (when I saw the 196th post yesterday) but I kinda just plain forgotten ... hehe! I guess it doesn't help that I am now trying (valiantly) to get almost all of my back-dated posts up to date ... that at times, I do up to 4 or five posts at a time. Talk about being rather PRO-ductive ... haha!

Well, well ... I never thought I'll get this far, to tell you the truth. I must say that I do rather enjoy "yakking" away on my blog ... about our latest adventures and expeditions. Not to mention our never-ending quest to find cheap & delicious food, affordable buys or just the many random things that we do, as a family. We enjoy searching & introducing new experiences to my little boy & putting it up here, for Ryan to ponder on. He just loves to sit on my lap & look through my blog (especially when I'm busy updating). Yep! my son loves to look at the millions of photos that I snap & put up here, in blogland. That always puts a smile on my face coz at least I know ... all my effort, in taking those pictures, putting them up & with the mighty-lengthy narration (no less) ... is being appreciated & cherished. * smiles *

Never was it my intention to start this blog ... to get worldwide readers, advertisement "traffic" or free stuff. Though I sometimes wish that my life is a little more exciting, I am basically a very simple person. I am contented with the simplest things & just happy & thankful that my family is safe, healthy & well loved. That's all. Haha ... I guess the only 5 people that read my blog are - Me, Ryan (ok, he doesn't know how to read yet but he looks at the pics, so that counts, rite?), my Hubby, my younger sis & my buddy, Jess. See ... I told you my life was boring & won't interest that many people. But really ... that's ok with me ... even if no one else reads my blog, I would be A-OK ... coz I am really writing it for me ... myself ... and I !!!

I am equally amazed ... that some mummy bloggers manage to find the time to update their blogs, every day! Granted most of them are stay at home mums (like me) but still? .... Really, I just can't find the time nor energy to write an entry ... every single day of the week. I would find that such a chore, an obligation even! I update whenever I can, if I have something to say (or rant about) ... or some photos to upload. I guess that's why I've got so many back-dated stuff to write on. Yes, I don't have a full time job ... but anyone that's been a full time housewife knows that its not all free & easy, being at home. There's always a ton of chores to be done, 3 meals to prepare & cook (almost daily), dishes to wash & put away, laundry to do, clothes to fold, toys to keep & re-arrange, (baby) bottoms to clean, showers for the hyper-active kid, etc. Its a never-ending chore list ... that never gets done & once you finish doing something ... some other thing, awaits you.

You don't have time-offs, annual leave, MC-sick leave, maternity leave, child-sick leave, year end bonus, 13th month pay, yearly increments, salary upgrades ... the list goes on. Heck! You don't even get bl**dy paid! All your hard work is F.O.C - free of charge! You don't get appreciated nor appraised, you don't get flowers or a fantastic lunch treat on Secretaries' Day (like I used to), shucks! you don't get anything! Zip !!!

But would I give all this up to go back to work? .... NAH! Nope! I am contented being a stay at home mum, taking care of my only son. I take care of his & my Hubby's daily needs. I am hands-on in nearly every aspect of Ryan's life, since the day he was born ... & eventhough its back-breaking & extremely tiring at times, the countless hugs & kisses he gives me everytime ... makes up for it! All of the sleepless nights, vomit, piss, poop that Ryan has kindly "deposited" on me .... its all part & parcel of my journey, into becoming a better parent ... one day!

I'm really just glad that I took up writing, blogging. It has allowed me to rant, grumble ... & bitch, all I want ... whilst allowing me to stay sane & happy. Pouring my thoughts & feelings here has allowed me to be a better person (I hope) & given me a creative outlet to (sometimes) vent my anger & frustrations. Heck! It even helped me get through a very tough & sad episode this year. It allowed me to cry, write depressing anecdotes, pen sobbingly mushy poems, it let me grief ... on my own terms. In time I learnt to accept my situation & move forward. It helped me make the right decision & to give myself the time & space to grieve my past .... & yet to look forward, into the future. Amen!

Whatever 2010 & beyond has in store for me, I will bravely stand tall & fight ... for a better tomorrow, for my family. Be damned to those who look down on us, be damned to those who doubt us, be damned to those disbelievers, be damned to those who belittle us ... we don't need your sympathy nor your callous words. Keep your biting thoughts to yourself & leave us alone to fight our own battles. We will survive, we will make it, we will still be here .... when all is said & done!

THE LUO HAN BUMP ... LUMP

A couple of years back, Singapore was gripped with Luo Han "fever". As Singaporeans can't get enough of things that bring you luck, prosperity & ahem ... money, nearly every fish loving enthusiast had a Luo Han or two, at home. Haha ... we were no different. They could cost up to tens of thousands of dollars. We ... were contented with ones that costs just a couple of bucks (they have since died, due to fish-disease).

Ok, the story links up to the Luo Han fish ... because somewhere in early September 2009, my dear son had the unfortunate luck to land straight on his forehead after repeatedly being told to stop jumping on our bed. As you would have guessed, Ryan landed face down, before Hubby could get to him on time (muah was in the loo ... when I heard the loud thud & subsequently Ryan screaming!). Ryan was bawling his eyes out! He was crying so loudly & the bump was sooo huge, it scared the hell out of me! We quickly calmed him down & managed to put ice on the bump (plus Zambuck, of course). After awhile, he calmed down & so did the big lump. We decided to wait & see ... before we decided to bring him to see the doctor.

The following day, the bump decided to reappear big time, after Ryan accidentally rubbed on it. It grew even bigger than the previous night. Hubby was at work so I called him to hurry back home. I was petrified! After a short discussion, we decided to bring Ryan to the KK Emergency Department, to check if it was more serious than we thought. Call me a super-kiasu parent, but I wasn't gonna gamble on my son's health & well-being. Some people may think ... its just a bump, what's the worry? But a bump that re-appeared worst than when it happened? ... errm, I wasn't gonna risk it! My instincts told me to go for a check, an X-ray .... to give me peace of mind. So we waited ... patiently, for Hubby to be back home ....

A picture of the Luo Han or Flowerhorn Fish

A picture of my son, Ryan ... less than 24 hours after the fall.

At the Emergency Department, waiting for our turn.

Does he look like he's in pain, to you?

On the 3rd day, after the fall. The doc said there were no cracks visible in the X-ray. So we were very relieved!

I wasn't trying to make a joke out of my poor son's fall but Ryan did look like he had a Luo Han's bump on his forehead. Of all his falls, this was the worst by far. I really really hope it will be the last ... for my hyper-active boy (though I really doubt so). The bruise took a very long time to disappear. Until today, there's a slight bump where the bruise was ... I wonder if it will ever level? Maybe it will always remain there, as a "soldier's" scar of battle.

A lesson learnt people ... NEVER JUMP ON YOUR PARENT'S BED! - you might just end up falling on your face!

IN SO MANY WORDS

Lately, Ryan has been muttering lots of new words & phrases. Well, God knows where he picked up some of these words but some ... are definitely recognisable to me. Why you might ask are they familiar to muah? Errm ... because Ryan ... seem to enjoy "parrot-ing" after his "visibly-stressed-high pitched" Mummy. Yep, he seemed to have picked up some pretty "neat" lingo & figure of speech, courtesy of his Mama. And let me tell you, not everything that comes out of my mouth can be repeated in public or blogland.

Yes, I can have a real potty mouth at times (ok ok, most times) but I refrain from being too "colourful" in public. I'm afraid that Ryan will grow up to be equally as "colourful" as me when it comes to swearing, cursing, etc. I am however, keen for him to be like me (in some ways) - not afraid to voice out my opinions or feelings, being good with words, etc. but I am also afraid that he will turn out like me - usually a lot to say, but not willing to speak out, sometimes.

As a kid, I was rather timid (especially in primary school). That, coupled with being anti-social & a loner, I did not have many close friends then. Ryan displays some of that now ... he can be playful & sociable with people he knows - his extended family, his cousins, friends of the family, but with others, he's seems shy & afraid, distant even ... always hiding behind me (or Hubby) or covering his already small face. He would not even look at strangers (or neighbours) much less talk to them or even bid a cursory hello. Sigh! how can I blame him for being him ... when I was much the same when I was a kid.

Ok ... I'm digressing again. Well, all I wanted to say was ... Ryan's vocab is expanding exponentially & fast. It scares me ... and yet at the same time, it fascinates me. I sometimes wonder what new word will come out of his mouth. Its like a never-ending guessing game for me ... a game that's not about to end anytime soon.

P.S : Will try to update Ryan's Vocab List when I next get the chance.

Can you see his huge Transformers watch? (which he insists on wearing constantly)

A STOPOVER AT BOTTLE NECK PARK

We have been to this park a couple of times, the most recent with my niece Ayra. The two kids had a fun time there. Pictures are here. This time round its just the three of us. It was a late Sunday morning, so it was kinda scorching then.

Ryan, on the bulldozer "ride" (which was coincidentally rather filthy)

He was squinting his eyes (due to the sun's rays).

On the swing!

I just loved seeing these two on the swings. I remembered the first time Ryan was on a swing ... he was petrified. My son has come a long way since then, as he loves to go on the the swings these days. In fact, he protests when its time to leave. Can you see the big smiles on their faces? Its times like these, when I see the joy and the bond these two boys have, that I know I did the right thing. To be here, to be present to witness this ... is worth a million bucks! I'm just glad that I was there, to capture it in print. I hope these two guys will get to spend more precious time together & I hope they will always be as loving and as close as now ... or even closer.

Look at the joy on his face! Doesn't it make ... everything worth it ?!

Taking a breather, under the shades.

There are fishes to be seen ... if you can find them, that is.

Can you see the scorching heat, in the background?