SWEET DREAMS MY BABY!

As I write this entry, I feel triumphant & relief at the same time. Why you might ask? My baby took his afternoon nap ALL on his OWN! Why is that such a triumph in my eyes?? Because as confessions go ... this is probably 1 that many can't fanthom. As my baby approaches his 28th month of life, I have to admit to the world that Ryan has never, I repeat NEVER, been able to sleep on his own. Since he came out of the hospital, 11 days after he was born, he has been "patted" to sleep ... till last night. He has also never slept through the night ... constantly waking up for several night feeds, nightmarish dreams, etc. So I have never known a "good" nights' sleep since my baby was born. Not that I am complaining (duh!) but sometimes its hard on the mind & body when every single night is interrupted with constant "disruptions" ... from my little bundle of joy.

Why did Ryan "slept though" (take that with a pinch of salt, ya!) the night yesterday? Thats because as I patted him to sleep at 9.30pm (as most nights) he just refused to sleep. My patience was growing v-e-r-y thin as I glanced at the bedroom clock & it screened 10.30pm. I was getting very impatient with my baby. So I stood up & declared to Ryan (& hubby in the background) :

" OK, you don't want to sleep, fine! Then, no more patting! If you insist on patting, then don't sleep until morning!"

... with that I stormed out of the room. Ok, I was being rather dramatic & overtly b***hy but I felt it was time Ryan learnt to sleep without patting from his Mama. I read recently in one of the parenting magazines that if you want your kid to sleep through the night (duh! which parent doesn't?), you just have to let the baby cry. Not "attending" to his cries & pleas ... we had to rough it out. When I read that I thought, well they don't know my Ryan. As a baby Ryan can cry non-stop for 1 & half hours (that was his record ... though I can't remember what upset him). So I thought if I had to hear Ryan cry for hours, in the middle of the night ... I couldn't possibly do it. I kept delaying it coz I knew Ryan wouldn't be able to do it ... & neither could his Mummy. But I think we, as parents sometimes underestimate our children? Though it was tough, we DID it!

I let him cry coz I knew he was damn tired as it was approaching 11pm & I dimmed the lights so that the room was darkened. I hopped on to bed & pretended to sleep. Ryan was bawling his eyes out. He cried for about 10 - 15 minutes ... then all was quiet. I guess he tired himself out. I could still hear rustling (his tiny movements) from his cot .. as he wasn't 100% asleep. He was still tossing & turning. Well, at least he wasn't crying! Finally about 20 minutes later, all was quiet. Heaven!

Ryan carried on waking up at least six more times that night. Each time, he cried & bawled. Several times, he tried to get my attention by touching me (my side of the bed is beside his cot). He even tried to put his BFF Barney beside me, trying to entice me to wake up & pat him (I guess). I turned round to pick up BFF Barney & put it inside the cot & tell him to sleep ... "Mummy, no pat pat". He kept on crying ... then he gave up, laid down & kept on sobbing. After a while, the crying stops but the rustlings can still be heard. A couple of minutes passed, then all is quiet again. Ahhh......!

During one of his bawls, he managed to cough himself hoarse (but of course) ... & he cried for "water". I stood up & took his water bottle & told him quietly " Ok, Mummy give you water but no milk. After that, you go back to sleep". After awhile, I took the water away & he turned to his left & slept. Wow! that worked ... & I smiled. I climbed into bed. Within a few minutes, Ryan wakes up & cries again (maybe he realised that he didn't get his nightly milk-milk). Sigh .... I tried to ignore him & soon he fell asleep on his own ... again.

To do this, I had to have the nerves of "steel" I guess. Hubby commented that it makes his heart ache to hear Ryan cry all night (duh! as if it doesn't break MY heart!). But sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done. We have to let our children cry so that they can lead "nomal" lives ... so that their parents can stay sane. We have to let them cry, bawl, sob, drool, fall ... all for the sake of growing up. Many a times in our life, as parents, there are things that we might not enjoy doing, the things that our children NEED to learn, accept even ... that life is full of challenges. Not everything in life is all peachy ... that we need to be tough, we need to be stern, we need to be strict, we need to be "evil" even ... all in the name of LOVE. We all want our children to grow into independent adults, to be self-sufficient, to be responsible, to be a good human being. So thats what we have to do ...

Today before nap time in the afternoon, I kep mentioning to Ryan that he was a good boy yesterday night "No pat pat, no milk milk". Hugged him & tell him that he was a good "big" boy. When nap time came, I gave him his warm milk bottle & asked him to sleep, "No pat pat", I reminded him. He kinda understood what I was trying to relay to him. Though he didn't nod off immediately, he soon dozed off on his own with no pat pat from his Mummy. I smiled ... & soon after I am on the computer writing about it.

It may seem so uneventful for some ... but its a new beginning for me & Ryan. Since last April, Ryan has vehemently refused any nightly pat pats from his Daddy, it has been Mummy's "job" to do so. It is with great earnesty that I announce, that now (hopefully) Ryan has come full circle ... & soon he won't even need pats from his Mama.

Tonight will be another round of cries & bawls ... but I hope that Ryan will make it through ... strong & well-rested. I expect it to last for at least a couple of nights before the coast is clear but I am hopeful ... & thankful for everything. I'm just glad that I decided to try .... or else how would I know that Ryan was ready. I think it was more that his Mummy wasn't ready. I will take away that ... as a lesson ... that I must at least try ... for Ryan's sake!

Wish me luck, this next couple of nights! Sweet dreams!!!