ANOTHER BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!

Well it was another birthday celebration for the family. This time round its was my sister-in-law's, Kak Idah & her son's (Syafiq) birthday. As usual, we never fail to make merry & eat lots of food. Of course there was cake & lots of catch-up to do. Whilst the adults talk, the kids played merrily ...

At the end of the day, everyone was happy & full. Haha ... till the next party ... we eagerly await (which is very soon ... Ayra's big birthday bash is coming soon!)

Grandma & granddaughter ... started off first.

Food, food, food!

Beep! Beep! Excuse me, Uncle Asni ... please make way!

Ryan says to motorbike : OK, you stay here ... while I go eat!

The birthday cake!

As usual, the kiddies can't wait to blow the candles (eventhough its not their birthday!)

Ryan claps, whilst Nenek holds him (just in case he decides to kiss the cake!)

Syafiq : Oh no! I'm a year older now ...

Birthday girl, Kak Idah ... giving the double-peace sign (whilst hubby looks on).

Everyone's here now!

Its this way ... let me show you guys.

I'll do it ... you guys watch ok?

Nenek grabs hold of Ryan for a photo-op, whilst Ayra poses daintily.

Whilst the cake gets cut by Bibik Idah, Ayra poses for the camera.

Ryan going for his rounds in his cousin's red car.

THE WHITE TIGER!

The white tiger video was something I wanted to post here because ... how often do you get to see one ... especially if it was eagerly strutting up & down for all to look on, in awe. It was majestic & fierce, cool even. To think that it attacked a person not too long ago ... now thats scary! But can you really blame a wild animal that was provoked & agitated purposely ... it was just trying to protect its turf & being in defensive mode, I guess. Well its not up 2 me to say, but take a look for yourself & ponder ...

In the video, you can hear Ryan commenting "bite, bite" ... he says that to all animals he see. He seems to think that all animals bite because when our cat, Baby was still around, he was scratched a couple of times because he "provoked" the kitty. So to make things easier, I asked him if the cat "bite" him (he had already learnt the word bite at at time). So the story goes ... the legacy my beloved cat left him ... he taught my son that ALL animals bite. Wise cat, Baby was!!!

Its 3 am ... its time for me to turn in. Before I go, I wanna put up a photo of my son, Ryan.

Cheese, Mama!

He's the light of my life & he keeps me going when there's no more hope. He's the reason ... why I'm still around. I love you, Ryan.

Keep the faith ... & carry on!

Sigh ...

The things we do haunt us wherever we go, the decisions we make follow us wherever we lead ... our family & loved ones, they prosper or suffer from our marked decisions. Options we made many years ago are not so easily forgotten. Bad mistakes don't just slid away, they stay on as a reminder of our wretched existence, our sheer stupidity, our ingrained stubborness, our pathetic state, our mundane lives ... we can't escape it. God remind us that we are part of the bigger picture ... always!

Do we stay or do we go, only love & faith decides ...

A DAMN STRESSFUL WEEK !

Its finally Friday night (or should I say its Saturday morning ... 12.52am). Its been a tough week for us. Those in the know ... knows what happened, those who don't ... won't know the anguish & stress we had to go through, with one bad news after another. As much as I can, I wanted to believe that everything will be alright but in reality it wasn't. Even as we have sorta sorted out the issues, its just a temporary measure & much more await us. Why are we faced wif so much problems? Why are we always at the end of our wits! I am so sad at the state we are in but I try damn hard not to get depressed & pray hard that we can work out a solution, albeit a temporary one even. I am desperate for things 2 get just a little bit better but I know I'm asking for a miracle.

Whenever life kicks you when you are down ... you look around for a helping hand, a tender word of hope. You then realize that at the end of the day its your family ... there in the background, stretching that hand, offering sagely advice & sending prayers to God for a speedy respite or solution. Sometimes friends will be there for you, sometimes they can't but families are tied by blood that binds them through life & death. And in life you'll get to see the love that enamates through that thing we call "blood". Their love knows no bounds. You won't get to see much of that fabled love & support in good times but its those bad & desperate times that you need love & support, do you get to see their devotion & loyalty to you. Why do I write these in words, when it should be a given that your family loves ... believes ... supports you? Its because I know that not all families are like that! I know that I'm lucky, I'm blessed, I'm grateful ... Though its hard at times 2 fanthom a life without worries, I am thankful to have their prayers of of love.

My mum has been a constant pillar of strength for me all my life. She has been so supportive in word & spirit & I am very sure her prayers has kept me & my family out of the gallows, many a times. Whenever I need advise or a sounding-board, she will be there for me. I will always be grateful for that. Ironically as my mum is not tech savy she will never know of these words I spoke but it is enough for me .. to pen my words for myself, a reminder that God always knew who had to be my mum. I am blessed for that. My mum & me ... we are so similar in nature that we argue & collide constantly but I know I will ALWAYS have a place in her heart. She worries for me like I worry for my son, Ryan. I know if she could help me, she would ... in a heartbeat, just like I would for her & for Ryan. Now that I am a mother, do I understand the enormity of a mother's love. Every mother loves her children but only when you have given life to another human being ... do you realise that your child is but an extension of your own life, love, emotions, heartache, sorrow, pleasure, pain ... in your child, you see yourself.

As a parent, I am ashamed that I can't give more, provide more for my son. I wish I can do better but I am but a product of my own devices. I want to provide him a better life, not the one that I lived. I want hubby & me 2 be able 2 leave this world knowing that we did our darnest in raising him, that we are proud 2 be his parents, 2 be able 2 be in his life ..

All we can do is try as best we can, to survive ... and though there are times that I wanna give up, give in, I know that my family depends on me - to stay strong! Its so hard sometimes ... that at times I wish it would all end ... but my faith, my religion, my family, my love for my son & my husband helps me hold on ... to that tiny piece of hope that one day it will all be history. That one day I will wake up ... not having to worry about mundane stuff like how to survive another bl**dy day. Its sad & pathetic how life can be. Things can spiral out of control & you have little power to stop it. All you can do is ride it out & hope you come out the other end unscathed, bloody but still alive.

Give me hope, so I can stay on longer
Give me a hand, so I can help myself
Give me a lift, so I can stand
Give me a reason, so I can be a believer
Give me support, so I can be stronger
Give me love, so I can love back
Give me a sign, so I can keep my faith
Give me wind, so I can soar a little higher
Give me wings, so I can fly ...

Help me carry on ... so that I have the will to survive
Have faith in me ... so that I still have my dignity
Have hope in me ... so that I have faith in myself
Have trust in me ... so that I believe in myself
Have love for me ... for its so hard to love myself.

Give me some strength, for I am weak
Give me some hope, for I am hopeless
Give me some faith, for I am faithless
Give me some devotion, for I am useless
Give me some love, for I am loveless
Give me some lead, for I am aimless
Give me some fuel, for I feel empty inside
Give me some direction, for I am lost.

Through tears, desperation & heartache
We seek forgiveness ...

Forgive me for who I am
Forgive me for what I've become
Forgive me for what I've done
Forgive me for what I'll do
Forgive me for all my sins
Forgive me .... Forgive me.

ZOO TRIP - 2009

Ok, we went & we ended up being damn tired! But was it worth it? Of course it was ... & I hope Ryan will remember it that way.

The day started with a tram ride for everyone (Uncle An, Fuddin, Bibik Rina, Ayra & Ryan). As we get ready to roll, the sun shines brightly ...

As Ayra smiles, Ryan gives a sleepy look (he looks sooo excited ... doesn't he?).

Ryan & Ayra pose before they dive into the "deep" waters ...

Ryan treads "carefully" around the water!

Papa! This water feature looks interesting!

The three kids enjoying themselves.

Ayra poses (wif her constant peace sign) whilst her mummy is busy texting on the handphone.

Ryan & Ayra on a beat-up zoo jeep (a photo opportunity not to be missed).

A sweet smile from my boy!

Another twin pose from the two youngsters.

The infamous white tiger (it was pacing up & down the whole afternoon ... maybe the visitors were annoying!).

Two orangutans, lazing in the sun.

Ryan : Kakak, come see! ... Ayra : Later, ok?

While Ayra tries to pose for a pic, Ryan ruined it by walking pass ... spoiler!

We had a bit of time in between the animal shows, so we stopped by one of the show place (which was virtually empty) except that the sea animals (the penguins, dugongs, pelicans were around, resting). We decided to take a break & had some drinks, whipped potato & snacks. After that I managed to snap a few photos of the 2 kids. By this time they seem a bit tired (you can tell from their faces) but they were reluctant to show it. They seem intent on seeing more animals, more walking, more of everything. Well, the adults ... they weren't that keen though ...

They seem a bit tired by now ...

And extremely sweaty ...

My sweet little niece, she was very game at posing ...

Poor hubby ... he looks very tired.

Hhmm ... another peace sign pose. How cute!

My hyperactive & sweaty little rascal!

Admiring the animals.

Can you see Ayra in the background?

Ayra : Oh! I love the seal! .... Ryan : So do I!

What ... no peace sign??

Cute little seal ... don't move ok!

Ryan : Kakak, you wanna sit on this seal? .... Ayra : Its ok, I've found the right one! Peace!!!

Ayra : Bibik ... are we finished already? I've run out of peace poses!

Ryan : Mama! Can we bring him home?

Before the animal show, I finally posed ... & the kids don't want to be left out either.

On the way out (at the entrance), Ayra requested for a photos op wif the Ben & Jerry's cows ... why not!

Overall, it was a fun, albeit a very tiring day. We dropped off Ayra at her place & the 3 of us carried on home where Ryan & me dozed off for a couple of hours. Later on we had a buffet dinner at hubby's collegue's place in Sengkang (so far!). At 9pm, we made our move & returned home. Well that was how we spent Valentine's Day in 2009. I wonder how will we spend it next year?

A word of thanks to my sis for the free tics to the zoo (& the tram rides too). We appreciate it very much (& we saved a ton). Special thanks also to Ayra for being such a sweetheart ... she always never fails to be a fantastic playmate for Ryan. She's amuses & plays wif him all the time & is always willing to hold his hand. Most of all, she makes Ryan smile. Not a week goes by that Ryan does not mention his Kakak & he misses her all the time. I can see that having her in his life has enriched Ryan's life, & I am very grateful for that.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

Its officially Valentine's Day today, though its 4:58 am in the morning. As you can see, I can't sleep (since 2 am, duh!) so I decided to log on & update here. Later in the day (early morning), we are going to the zoo, courtesy of free tickets from my sis. I think it will be a good "excursion" & I hope the kids - my son Ryan & his 2 cousins, Ayra & Fuddin will have a wonderful time there. I was trying 2 get Ryan in the mood by saying that we were gonna see the tigers (T-I-G-E-R) soon but he doesn't catch my drift (what do u expect from a 2 year old huh!). It know it will be a tiring day but I also know it will be worth it. Anything 2 put a smile on my son's face ...

As for Valentine's Day, we don't have any plans. As usual we don't buy or give each other gifts as we just dun have the excess funds 2 spare nor do we subscribe to the commercialism of this "lovers" day. I am one of those people that belive Valentine's Day should be an every day thing ... & that businesses are only out to "gain" your $. Everything is over-priced on this day & a lot of the things on sale are tacky & useless. I dun think you need to give over-priced gifts as a symbol of your love. Show someone you care ... in the little things that you do everyday ... not just one day out of a year.

I'm not anti-Valentines', infact I'm all for it ... I'm just not into the spending lavishly kinda act. Maybe its coz we are constantly on a budget but I think even if we are not, we don't go overboard with gifts or such. We have spent Valentine's day having a simple (albeit a cheap) dinner ... all that matters is that we have it together. This year, wif Ryan, there's no such thing as a private couple time as we are not so fortunate to have help in baby-sitting. Even if we did, I would feel bad leaving Ryan behind whilst we have a lovey-dovey time. Hhmm ... maybe when he's much older, we'll see ....