BACK-DATED POST - SWIM TIME!

Alert : This post is photo & video (will try to attach) overload & so, please bear with me.

I went crazy with the photos, as this is one of the few swimming trips we have made since Ryan was born. I was clicking away, like a mad woman, so I got plenty of cute & candid shots. There are also some cute pics of my dear niece, Ayra who accompanied us on this trip. Ryan was at first scared of the water (as usual) but he warmed up eventually. He loved having his kakak around to play with. My son loves a playmate ... haha, its too bad he's an only child. He always seem to have more fun if he has someone to play with, especially with his best buddy, Ayra. He just loves kidding around with her. They do make good playmates eventhough they don't always agree on how to play sometimes.

Of course, hubby had to be the swimming "guardian" for that day, as mummy was water-averse & she didn't want to get wet. As soon as we reached the pool, the kids were raring to go. After slapping sunblock on all three of them, they quickly jumped into the pool.

Hubby was blowing on the newly bought aeroplane float for Ryan. You can see Ayra, already "busy" with her swim poses.

There were some floats provided too, so whenever they were available, the kids grabbed them.

Having a good time!

Buddy time!

You can see Ayra, constantly posing for me. She was always game for a photo-op!

Looking cute!

Ryan : Kakak, I help you? Ayra : Errm, no thanks!

My little lone ranger!

Hubby floating, whilst Ryan looks "worried".

Uncle Steven giving Ayra a hand!

Papa, stop chasing me with the float!

Here, I come Papa!

Giving Ayra a gentle push on her elephant.

Are you still pushing?

Ryan, being the good helper ... pushing Ayra around.

My son, never tires of being the "pusher".

OK, I'm off to do my own thing now ...

Mama, are you still snapping our pictures?

Ayra, catching hold of my squirmy little boy.

Ayra, carrying the light-weight Ryan, to greater heights!

On the elephant ... Ryan rides!

Now, its my turn to push!

Oops! Ryan taking a big fall!

Ayra gives Ryan a hug to console him, after his "fall" in the water. Ryan was sulking away as he hates to get his head underwater ... yes, my son dislikes getting his hair wet & that includes washing his hair daily. Yes, I know its weird, but what can I do ... that's Ryan, for you! Mind you, he loves playing with water (especially, splashing it) ... just don't get any water in his eyes or head/hair ... he just hates that! I wonder why he's like that? He's been that way since he was a baby & I don't see it changing anytime soon. Double sigh!

So cute!

Ryan & Daddy having a ride together, whilst Ayra bobs alone.

Ryan doing his best gymnast impersonation, whilst Ayra does some stunts too!

I noticed on this trip that Ayra is quite the "photo-poser". She usually is but on this trip she was a real trooper. Not only was she busy playing in the water, she was always game to pose for me & even "instructed" me to take certain photos. She just loves the camera. I wish Ryan was like that. Sure he sometimes poses for me but most times I need to catch him off guard. I guess thats just him.

Head over heels?

Now its Ryan's turn to wear the "hat".

Splashing time!

Wow! Ayra's so strong - she can carry a elephant!

Ayra, posing for her Aunt!

Time to go, my wet babies!

As you can see the look on Ryan's face when he was told that we were leaving ... tears! He was really upset that its time to go, but I told him that we are going. As they were in the pool for over an hour & the sun was really burning, I knew time was up. I did not want to get the kids too hot or sunburned so I told hubby, ok ... time to go! To appease the grumpy boy, we told him that we will head to the small arcade nearby. Sigh! why do we have to "bribe" kids these days? Why can't they be like kids of my generation? When my mum said we have to go, we just follow ... no tantrums, no tears, no sulking. We just do what we are told!

Can you see Ayra's hair after the shower? It curled up naturally (without a hair dryer), it was very pretty. A lot of people would kill to have such naturally beautiful wavy hair. I think its "beauty-full"! Wish my hair was like that! Instead, it jutts out like a "duck's tail" when it gets too long ... arrgh!

Taking yet another ride ... on an aeroplane. no less!

Riding on a sports car!

Kakak, don't touch my "sweet" ride!

Ayra : Are we leaving soon? Ryan : Hey! I'm not done yet!

These photos were taken in the lobby. Ayra was actively posing on the couch & told me to take some pics of her. Oh ... ok. So here she is ... resting, after a good time in the pool. She modelled a few poses ...

Last but not least, my boy posed at the water feature nearby. Ryan can't help himself, if there's something interesting nearby that has some water element ... he just have to go see it, touch it, smell it, breathe it! That's my boy!

All in all, it was an extremely tiring day for the adults. The two kids though, they had the time of their life. I promised that we will take them there again soon. I'm sure they will enjoy themselves. My sis always brings her kids out swimming ... but I'm not really a "water" person. Though I can tell that Ryan loves to "swim" I don't really see myself doing it very often. Why? Errm ... its such a hassle ... getting all wet, the laundry involved later, the supplies to lug - clothes, towel, swimsuit, sunblock, etc. The showering, the drying up .... arrgh! I'm just glad I don't have to be in the water, I'm just the designated bag "guarder" & photo-video-taker. I pity hubby though ... he does most of the "chores" (all the boring stuff) & after every swim, everyone is dead tired ... hhmmm, I wonder why? Well, till next time ...

RYAN'S BABY STORY CONTINUES ...

These were taken on the fourth day. It seemed like Ryan's condition had to get worse before it got better. He got hooked up to more drips & wires. He peeled more and he hardly opened his eyes. This wasn't the homecoming that I had envisioned. I was gonna be discharged the next day & I had to leave my poor baby ... all alone in the hospital. I felt numb & empty, all I did was cry in private. I was devastated that I couldn't bring my baby home. We had guests come over to visit our newborn - family & friends. I was happy that so many came but I had to hide the fact that I was always teary, I was in pain (from the stitches), all I wanted to do was go home & bring my baby with me. I don't think anyone suspected that I was feeling the "baby blues", I was feeling kinda down & my spirit was low but I had to smile & act "happy" coz I just HAD a baby. In all honesty, I just wanted to curl up & cry. I don't think anyone understood.

Although hubby was a real trooper, even he couldn't help me overcome the darkness. I felt rather lonely ... eventhough I had the company of hubby, family & friends. I did not help that hubby's boss wanted him to go back to work immediately. That's because we didn't plan on getting our newborn hospitalised for 11 bloody days, that's why! His stupid idiotic boss wanted him back in the office, whilst his wife was still in hospital recovering from a major abdominal surgery & his newborn son still warded for medical reasons. What a bloody "understanding" boss, so damn compassionate - NOT !!!

When we were leaving the hospital, the couple that also had the emergency c-section at about the same time as me took the same lift with us. They had their baby with them, they smiled at hubby (both husbands were waiting for their wives in surgery, together in the waiting area). They noticed that we didn't have our baby with us. I smiled back at them, weakly ... I think they didn't dare to ask us anything. I felt so miserable. I think I was on the brink of depression but I didn't know it then ...

This is the photo that literally breaks my heart. I don't think I need to say much. You be the judge, if you were his mother ... how would you feel? Can you feel my pain?... I rest my case!

I put this photo here, especially to remind myself ... how far we've come - Ryan, Steven & me. Ryan is now a gregarious, bubbly, happy boy who is so cheerful & chirpy, you would never had guessed that he was the same child, in the previous photo. Two & a half years made such a world of difference!

I am so happy to have him in my life. I am so grateful that he's healthy & here with us. I thank God for His blessings!

RYAN'S BABY STORY CONTINUES ...

Tis was Ryan's 2nd day of life. I managed to "peel" myself off the hospital bed. Hubby wheeled me up to see my son for the first time. I was still in my hospital maternity attire. By this time, Ryan had a drip on his hand too. Holding him for the first time, I felt strangely odd. This was my son, the baby that I have yearned for so long. Now that he's finally here ... why wasn't I jumping for joy? Coz I didn't expect to be cut up, coz I didn't expect my son to be warded. Silly me ... I thought that I would have a normal, safe, "natural" delivery & would be able to bring my baby home after 2 days. That wasn't going to be my story!

Ryan looks rather yellow here because he suffered from a bad case of jaundice. He had photo-light therapy to get rid of the jaundice. I wondered if the heat (from the intense light) was what caused his skin to peel like hell. I couldn't tell as I didn't really notice his skin on the first day that he was born. Hubby didn't either. I had to rely on hubby's account for he was the only one who got close enough to Ryan. He was peeling literally, it wasn't like sunburn, it was much much worse. I was shocked when I saw him. He was so tiny, wrinkly, skinny, & he had so many drips & wires on him. I wanted to sob so badly but I tried to hold my tears for later. It was really hard for me to see him ... like that!

A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY ... RYAN'S STORY SO FAR

When I first started this blog, about a year ago, I had already begun on my humble journey of being Ryan's mum. First & foremost, that's what I identify myself with, these days ... being the mother of my only son. Sure the blog contains remnants of my otherwise simple (mostly boring) and absolutely mundane life but its mainly ALL about Ryan. Ryan has given meaning to my life, that no one probably understands (even I never understood how empty or aimless my life felt) ... until he came into my life. To say that life would be meaningless without him, would be an understatement! I will not be the first mother, nor will I be the last mum to say, I would give up my life for my child.

I went through some old baby pictures of Ryan recently and decided to put them up. I never blogged much about his early months and years because there were just too many photos and stories to tell. But I decided that some of these stories and pics are too precious to be to be kept hidden in my heart. They are stories that needed to be told ... for Ryan's memories.

As I conversed recently with my friend, Jess ... I write this blog primarily for Ryan - it is my gift to him. For when I am long gone, Ryan can still take heart that his mummy loved him ever so dearly & hopes he can remember how he touched her life, gave her hope, renewed her outlook, brightened her days, when cloudy skies abound. That he was my ray of light, my angel, and probably the only reason why I was put on this wretched Earth - to bear him, to love him, to cherish him, to treasure him ... and to be able to call him, my beloved son.

Ryan, my baby... this is for you!

P.S : I am starting a new section on Ryan's baby days ... this is the first entry.

Steven took this picture (the first photo taken of Ryan), after he was born in The Singapore General Hospital. Ryan was immediately warded to the Special Care Nursery due to some medical issues. As I had an emergency C-section, I was confined to bed rest. So it was up to hubby to troop up & down the floors (by lifts, of course) to visit his firstborn son. As this unit, serves mostly newborn babies that might need medical intervention, only their parents are allowed to visit. No other family members are allowed to enter. Before handling their babies, every parent had to wear a disposable "apron" that's provided & encouraged to wash their hands too, so as to minimise exposing the vulnerable babies to germs, etc.

Ryan had a drip attached to one of his legs, as you can see from the photo. The drip is the first of many that my poor boy had to endure during his stay there.

Ryan had a full head of hair & it had curls. That kinda tickles me coz hubby's hair is ram-rod straight & mine is only rather wavy. Hhmm ... must be the Malay genes on my side of the family. Funnily, after, we shaved his head when he was about 4 months old, he grew a head of straight hair. Wonder of wonders!

When Ryan was born, immediately after they cleaned him up, the nurse came over to show him to me - "ok ah, its a boy" whilst repeatedly showing my boy's small manhood above my vision (as I was still on the operating table). I saw that his eyes were open. He looked so cute. I did heave a sigh of relief, as I saw his eyes because Ryan was a healthy child. As some may not know, my gynae had given me a sombre prognosis that my firstborn son had a extremely high probability of being afflicted by Down's Syndrome. As this was discovered around the 1st trimester, we were of course offered the choice of an abortion or an amnio, if we were to choose to carry on with the pregnancy. Obviously, we rejected the first choice & decided to not go ahead with amnio as it carried a 1 to 2 percent chance of a miscarriage. There were many a times that I cried myself to sleep thinking of my baby and wondering if I made the right choice. I think I was in denial & repeatedly told myself (rather obsessively) that God would not have given Ryan to me if he wasn't gonna be healthy. I think I was just trying to lie to myself.

I am not a religious person (at all) but I prayed EVERY night ... asking, no ... pleading with God, to please help me save my baby. For him to be healthy. That was all I had asked for. God heard, listened and answered my prayers!

It really breaks my heart to see some of Ryan's early baby pictures. Everytime I see them, I feel like crying. I can't help it. It reminds me so much of the anguish & pain we went through then. We as parents, can make the best of plans for our children, before they are born but at the end of the day everything is in the hands of God. All the birth plans that I made were tossed aside coz everything did go wrong - from the emergency c-sec to my baby staying in hospital for 11 days. It was a roller coaster ride that I did not consent, nor expected. All I can say is that I never want to go through such an agonising time in my life, ever again!

I am just glad that Ryan is now a healthy, bouncy boy ... who is world's apart from that little baby that was born a mere 2.18 kg that fateful day in 2007.

ITS 1ST OF JULY ... HOW TIME FLIES!

Wow! Can you believe it? Its already the 1st of July and 2009 is more than half-way over! What have you done lately? For me, life has been pretty much the same ... taking care of my 2 boys (big & small), keeping my home intact, keeping up with extended family & friends ... & just trying to stay sane!

The past six months came & gone, more like a whirlwind! It all goes by so fast. Ryan will be 30 months soon (or 2 & half, if you may). Just looking at him, I know that life has passed by me sooo very fast. He's grown from a newborn, so helpless & dependent to a hyper-active lil boy. Whereas a year ago, you could not make out the mumblings, now he can more or less converse with us (although some might not understand his pronounciation). He has even picked up Malay (on his own) & though its still very limited, its a start. Well, for Mandarin ... now thats another issue alltogether. He's yet to really pick up Chinese but I hope when he goes to nursery next year, he will get the chance to start learning his mother tongue.

Well, other than that, nothing much is going on. Hubby's busy with work (since when, is he not?) & we have been trying to keep our weekends slow & steady, doing activities at our own pace. With the flu (H1N1) virus very much circulating in the country, we have tried to keep out of extremely crowded places. Even communal activities like swimming are put on hold, to a later date.

We have even cut down drastically on our shopping trips, as we try to avoid most malls & all. Though grocery shopping is still done, we try to minimise our trips. We try to stay home more these days ... which also saves us money. One complaint though ... the damn heat! I am always sweating (not perspiring like some people ... coz I sweat buckets in this heat). If only the heat will go away but then again I know this is Singapore's "version" of summer. One good thing to come out of the "summer" heat is the fresh, juicy & beautiful fruits in the supermarkets. Have you seen them? Its really a good time to go crazy with fruits especially the usually expensive ones, like strawberries, blueberries & kiwis, etc. Even if you are paying the same prices, their juiciness is unsurpassed. I'm just trying to think up more ways to eat those wonderful fruits other than just cutting, slicing them for consumption - salads, jucing, puddings, jams, the list is endless!

Hhhmm ... I think I saw a simple recipe for mango pudding somewhere. Just gotta find it ...