I FEEL LOST ...

I don't know what to do.

I have lost my faith in love & I don't think that I care anymore. If people choose to hurt me, do I forgive & forget & pray hard that they will not hurt me again? Should I be so grateful that people choose not to hurt me?

I am lucky that I still have faith. Its my faith that keeps me hanging on. I am grateful I still have my son, Ryan. What the future holds for the two of us ... I really don't know. I don't know what I should do, I am so sad that I can feel my heart break. I have so much anger in me that I think I will explode. I am so teary that I can't stop crying. What am I so weak? Why do I let people hurt me? Why am I so blind? Why am I so stupid? Why am I so useless?

People expect me to forgive & let live ... its not so easy, its not so simple. There are so many things happening, so many new revelations that have come to light recently that it has shaken me to my deepest core. I am now a changed person ... because of that. I am no longer the same person.

I am so hurt that no amount of apologies or promises to amend can change it. No amount of regrets & sorries will ever be enough to heal my broken heart. I wish I wasn't so emotional & sentimental but that is who I am. I wish I was more hard-hearted ... I wish I was stronger. The truth is I am weak ... and tears are my best friends now. How I wish I was stronger!