MORE RANDOM PICS

Just some random pics for muah's memory.

Ryan giving his Mama a cheeky grin.

Another cheeky pose!

Driving yet another ride.

Looking very much a driver, although this ride doesn't move!

One of Ryan's classic pose ... looking nowhere!

Mama, can we bring this car home?

Papa trying to "steal" Ryan's favourite milkshake?

Who's that Ryan? Its Mama, taking your photos, yet again!

Admiring his new choo-choo train from Daiso.

RANDOM PICS

Before I turn in for the night (its 1:50 in wee morning), I wanted to post some pics of my two boys. This was taken in the Special Care Ward, where Ryan stayed for the first 11 days of his life. Look how tiny he was! He was just over 2kg, a real light weight for a full-term baby (he fitted nicely on the cradle of his daddy's hand). But I was really relieved when we managed to bring him home when they gave him the all clear. At last, I had my baby safe with me, at home.

As you can see, Steven was a natural as a 1st time dad & till today, 29 months after his son was born, he still got the knack of carrying his only (wild) child.

Father & son ... then & now!

January 2007

June 2009

MORE NEW WORDS

Ryan's new words, profiled ... for Mummy's own knowledge.

219. Thats it!
220. Buy kite (he saw some kids kite flying on TV recently)
221. Busy
222. Another one
223. This one

More to come ... I hope.

100TH POST ...

As I've seen with other blogs, people celebrate the 100th of everything - blog posts, bentos, recipes, etc. I wasn't trying to be like the many drone ants out there but ironically, here I am reflecting all that I've written in the past 100 entries. As I was posting the previous entry, I realised that this was gonna be my 100th post. Hhhmm, wow ... I've mused, ranted, grumbled, bitched for at least a hundred times ... haha!well, at least on this blog. Wow! I am amazed that I've gotten this far. When I started this blog, it was from the urgings of my sis, to write a little bit about my son, Ryan ... but this blog has been the perfect avenue for me to pour out my feelings & more.

I am 1st & foremost Ryan's mum but I am also my hubby's wife, my parent's daughter, my niece & nephews' aunt, my buddies' friend but I am also my own person. Through this blog, I have managed to pen down some of my innermost feelings, stuff that I probably couldn't relate to anyone in particular. Eventhough I have people around me that are willing to listen to my endless rumblings, there are times that you just need to ponder things for yourself. Writing here is like talking to a psychiatrist if you will, but its just that the good doctor doesn't talk back & you get no pearls of wisdom in return. Heck! you just try to figure things out for yourself ... just like many things in life.

Calling it therapeutic, is an understatement, coz it really is! Blogging allows you to write out some pent up feelings, reflect on the current state of your "miserable" life & makes you ponder awhile ... while life goes on. Putting things in print allows you to look back on your past life, & let's you rediscover what really matters, are the simple moments like holding hands & having a good meal ... with your loved ones.

It also allowed me to show "off" to the world ... my beautiful family - my hubby, Steven & my son, Ryan, whom I love so dearly, whom I don't deserve. It allowed me to put up the tonnes of photographs that might have gone "buried" in computer-land coz they were not printed & hidden, long forgotten. Putting the countless pictures here allowed me to enjoy all the special moments we shared & let me see how my son has grown, these past two years. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing him literally, grow up in pictures. Its turned out to be an invaluable point of reference for me to look & see, how far we've come ... till today. I am really glad that I chose to blog last year & I don't think I will stop any time soon.

Through blogging, I have also come across many other blogging sites that I've learnt & picked up ideas from. Recently it has even piqued my interest in Bentos, the Japanese art of packed lunch. I was keen to try out packing snacks & lunch for my son coz he's been a really fussy eater & I thought, if I had to decorate & cutie-fy his food so that he'll eat more, than that's what I will do. Well, you never will know how 1 thing, leads to another.

Blogging has also allowed me to revisit the simple art of writing. I've always loved the written word. Infact, I've had designs when I was much younger ... to be a writer of sorts. Funny how life works & the decisions that you make doesn't always lead you to your unfulfilled destination. As obvious to everyone, I am definitely not a paid writer for I have no paper qualifications to speak of but I'll be damned if someone is gonna shut the writer in me.

Eventhough my sentences are far from perfect, my grammar in shambles, my punctuations gone awry ... this will not stop me from writing. I may not exhibit the distinctions that I've gotten during the major exams, I am sure getting some practise out of it. My writings ain't perfect & I will be the first to tell you that but blogging has definitely helped me "release" the pent-up-imprisoned-writer that just yearns to jump out of the surprise birthday cake. I can still rant like no other, I am still as long-winded & I can "yak" & grumble non-stop ... but I take it all, as I am who I am.

Forgive my humble assumptions that some people might actually enjoy reading my writings but I am writing this blog 1st & foremost for my son, myself & my hubby. If someone out there, enjoys reading the simple life that I lead & appreciate my cynical outlook & pessimistic views on life, than good for them & I thank you for that. Me ... I just do it coz its good for me ... & my sanity. If one day, I stop enjoying it ... I will just stop but at the moment, its not too soon.

Happy blogging Lynn! Be yourself ... for at the end of the day, that's all you have.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT & TRY

I read in some of the Mummy blogs ... some very interesting to-do's. Some are quite ambitious for muah anyway but I thought oh what the heck! I can just try out some of their ideas & see how things go. I dun know if trying someone's way is "stealing" their ideas but I look at it as an appreciation of good brain cells. I mean if you see something good & incredible, why can't you follow it. Isn't it a great compliment if someone reads your blogs & think that what you're doing is a swell of an idea. I hope the Mummies I read from aren't offended if I try some of their ways in my blog. I have read some blogs that rave & rant about others copying their ideas or works, so I was kinda worried that the "owners" of these ideas might come looking to "sue" my pants off - I dearly hope not! I can't really write out or give credit to their blogs because I read tonnes of blogs at times & most times I can't even recall where I've read or seen the ideas or sparks. I just hope they don't mind me "emulating" a success story. So here goes ...

One of the blogs write of Snapshot Sunday. Taking 5 random pictures of mostly stuff, not people. Hhhmm, that might be kinda difficult for me as I just looovvee to take pictures of my son. But its a wonderful idea, I thought! Maybe my take of this won't be just of Sunday (why limit yourself to 1 day of the week?). Most probably I will look into Snapshots Weekend ... as we are mostly up & about during the weekends. I will try this out this end week & see how that works out.

One of the websites that I love reading is this - Wendolonia. This lady is really funny & witty. She has two sons & she writes about her family, bentos, crafts & life in general. She started this idea in 2009, blogging & photographing every day of her life, on a weekly basis. That sounds kinda interesting to me. The only glitch is that most weekdays, I am stuck at home with Ryan ... so how interesting can that be? Oh well, its worth a try though. I am a bit embarrassed about photographing our small & humble (& messy) home though. So I dunno, we'll just wait & see. This idea interests me coz if a photograph is taken for every day of the week, it kinda showcases your life in its entirety - 365 days a year! Its kinda cool to look back on the year passed in pictures, especially when you are a mummy to a 2 year old Energizer-Bunny, who's constantly active & squirmy. They say that kids grow up soooo fast ... its so true, I can vouch for that! So maybe having photographs documenting our lives will be a fantastic idea. Just go with the flow right .... ?

Well, I'm just gonna try out these few ideas (maybe this week) & see if it pans out. Wish me luck!

P. S : One of the reasons why I think these 2 ideas (among many) are good for me right now is because I feel that my blog needs a bit of focus (huh? u mean blogs need a focus-direction?!). Sometimes I ramble too much about nothing in particular & I take too many pictures of mundane, ordinary stuff. So I thought I needed to re-focus & take better pictures, that had more meaning & as a project of sorts. Oh well, let's see if my laziness doesn't set in too fast before I can try it out.

MY SON, THE "MIX-ED" BOY!

I am feeling rather tired but I resolved 2 get more in print now when I have the chance coz I know that I might not have the chance 2 blog as much all the time. I have recently decided, 2 put more effort in my family's meals, cooking more often n trying 2 keep us healthy n well fed (haha ... aren't we already well fed enough?). I know that I have been rather lax lately (I think LAZY is more the word) ... so I'm trying my best, 2 make up for it.

Though I love eating (can't u tell, from my size?), I am determined 2 raise my son into a healthy young man. I am thankful that he has his daddy's "skinny" genes n not mine (very fat ones). Looking at Ryan ... most people would never have guessed that he "came out" of me, that he's my son (coz he's small-size & skinny but I'm short & fat). In fact, he looks a lot like his daddy (with the exception of his eyes n lashes), his skinny arms, his high ribs (rib-cage), his muscular calf's, his hyper-active ways n the fact that he can eat tonnes ... & not gain ANY weight. Ha! I wish I could "borrow" some of their gene-pool ... but I'm just glad that he's more like Steven than me, in this aspect.

At least I don't have to worry about his health, him being fat or overweight or constantly being ridiculed or looked down for being obese. Unlike Ryan, I was never the small or skinny kid. Though I'm at my heaviest now, I was never slim ... slim-mer maybe, but I can NEVER, EVER be considered thin or slender. And because I am short too (duh! good combination huh?), it makes it a double whammy. Sometimes I even wonder what Steven sees in me ....OK, OK ... stop being so depressing n negative! Just be thankful that Ryan got the right "share" of genes. One other thing that I hope Ryan "gets" from his daddy ... his height! So that he can be a slim, tall man ... not so much for looks or that sort but more because I know Ryan will have a "tough time" in other areas, amongst others, being neither a Chinese nor Malay.

That's why I wish, he would have certain favourable factors working for, rather than against, him. Already we get tonnes of comments like him being very fair, even for a Chinese baby! (u mean they expected him to be dark?! - just because I'm Malay). People are equally amazed that he is of mixed parentage because he looks more Chinese than Malay. Some people wonder why his eyes are so big n his eyelashes so long (being most of these comments made by the Chinese folk). How do I explain these strangers (without being extremely rude or obnoxious), that he's "mixed" - that's why!

Even his name is a clear reflection of his parentage. We decided on it because we wanted him to be a reflection of both his parents race & heritage. Because Ryan is neither "pure" Chinese nor Malay, in the eyes of the law he is Chinese by race (by virtue of his Daddy's race). Sometimes we get stares (or such), like when we speak in English in a Malay environment (like in Geylang or at a halal restaurant) or when he says words like - Nenek, Kakak or Atok ... to strangers who are obviously Chinese, & wonders why he's "calling" them in Malay.

Its a odd situation, I guess. We speak English because my hubby n me converse in that language n so naturally we raised our son in a similar fashion. I do try to inculcate, though randomly ... Malay words or the equivalent of an English word, so that Ryan can learn n understand his grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles. Besides, wouldn't it be weird if he doesn't understand a word of Malay. Though I have 2 admit that I am not worried that he will not be able to converse in Malay because firstly ... I will not allow it to happen! Secondly, he's surrounded by his maternal relatives all the time, so that makes it impossible for him to "escape" being exposed to it. Thirdly, Malay is an easier language to pick up, conversation wise ... academically, now that's a different matter. In fact, I am worried that he will have a hard time with Mandarin.

As his daddy doesn't speak Mandarin nor his dialect at home, I wonder when will Ryan get to pick up on it. I do try to watch some Mediacorp's Mandarin series when we are at home & I noticed that Ryan loves watching them too. But that's as much as I can do at the moment. I know when he enters primary school, my worries will go into overdrive coz he will be expected to speak n learn Mandarin. We have decided to let Ryan take Mandarin as a second language because its clearly more advantageous for him in the future. Not only will it help him in his career, it only makes sense when you have a Chinese father (thus being Chinese by race) that you are able to speak the language. Doesn't it?!

Well, picking up dialects is another issue. Though I do want him to pick up his daddy's dialect, I don't really know how 2 help him in that. I guess Steven has 2 pick up the slack on this one as I am not dialect-inclined (unless u count swear words ... haha!). Language aside, religion n culture, rites & practices ... all these will square off in the near future. Ryan is a combination of two races, cultures & with it comes 2 sets of everything. He is both, but he is neither. Like his name, Ryan will be faced with numerous obstacles ... his allegiance questioned, his loyalty challenged, his choices criticised, his very existence ... being a dilemma.

Be it in everyday life or in the future, he will have to face the fact that some people of either side of the race, will give him a hard time. Some people just can't seem to understand why his parents had to marry in the first place, diluting the race n such (trust me, there are people like that!). Some can accept him, but question why he can't be one race over the other. Though many will never come to accept him as he is ... & I would understand, coz even lil old me, born of parents of the same race, find it hard to blend in with my own kind coz believe it or not, I don't really feel like I belonged there. I guess that's why I ended up marrying n dating outside of my race, having mainly only close Chinese friends, etc. Why? I really can't tell you ... its just been that way for the longest time.

A lot of my Malay schoolmates didn't "click" with me & vice versa. I naturally find myself mixing mostly with the other races. Am I odd? Maybe in that sense I am. I kinda had a very hard time, as a teenager, being the only Malay girl that didn't have a single Malay friend. The Malay girl that had a Chinese boyfriend, the Malay gal that speaks mostly in English ... so I sorta know how its feels to be on neither side of the fence. I can forsee that Ryan might go through some of the things that I had to go through in my younger days. He might be better off than me (I guess people are more open-minded now) or he might have a harder time, by virtue of his lineage. Even the prospects of marriage will be hard for him coz on either side of the race, there will be objections & rejections, especially with religion.

Though I longed for a child for the longest time, I could forsee that the children that I have will be faced with similar challenges because of the choices that Steven & I have made, being married to each other. All I can do is to give my children the skills to handle themselves in the future, guide them & pray for their happiness. I can only pray that their lives will be filled with much love and that they will be adored & cherised, for who they are and not what their race is. I hope they bring with them their rich heritage of Chinese & Malay roots, wherever life may take them. I want them to be proud of who they are & what they represent ... a combination of their parents' love.

To my beloved son, Ryan Yusuf, I have faith ... that you will grow up to be a good & strong man, responsible & dedicated, righteous & abled, noble & humble. What the future may bring, you will face it with dignity & pride, honour & loyalty. No matter what life gives you, be faithful to who you are & believe that though life ain't fair, do good things without expectations & you will be blessed with a life full of love & joy always. Although Mummy & Daddy will no longer be by your side when you are older, I know I will go away, with much pride because you will be the carrier of your Daddy's lineage n good honourable name. In you, we will live on ... always!

JUST SOME RANDOM PICS

Just some random pics to upload. The 1st three pics were taken at the famous Zam Zam restaurant (can't recall their exact name), opposite the majestic & historical Sultan Mosque. Many eateries serve the same food there but the ever jam-packed eatery, is more like an institution of sorts, with its famous beryani & murtabak. No other place comes close. Though they have raised their prices recently we still go there coz the food is so delicious, the teh tarik is "killing" & its still value for money. If only they could "contain" the aroma of the food to the kitchen area ... coz every time we go there, we leave the place smelling like a yummy plate of beryani. Oh well, you can't have everything right?!

On this occasion, we took my parents & my niece, Ayra along for the delicious lunch. It must have been a Sunday ... coz I don't really remember this day (haha!). Why am I so sure that it was a Sunday? Because most Sundays (at least once a month, if we can), we bring my parents out for some "makan", shopping, & sight-seeing. Though we don't go anywhere special nor expensive, its my & hubby's way of saying thank you to my parents, for all their support & love, that they've shown our way. Its more than filial piety I tell you coz we don't have to bring them out if we don't want to, but I know it "thrills" my parents, especially my mum, just being able to shop at leisure.

My mum is a bit of a home-body who doesn't really venture in public. She hates public transport (haha! who doesn't?) & prefers to take her own personal car-trips because she has trouble with her knees (which I totally understand). As only my brother-in-law (sis' hubby) & my hubby drives & own cars, its up to us to make the old folks happy. If trips out shopping & running errands makes my mum happy, hey why not. Its the least I can do to bring a smile on her face for all that she's done for me & my family. I can't buy her gold or bring her for expensive holidays or dinners but I sure can bring her out to buy this & that. Its just my small way to show her that I appreciate her love, her concern, her delicious cooking, her advise, her never-ending "nagging" ... oops! I mean, words of wisdom.

Talking about weekend trips out, we have one awaiting ... since mum hasn't been out recently.

Ryan in his Daddy's loving arms.

Ryan squirming away, whilst his grandpa (on hubby's right), ponders away.

This cutie pie is my lovable niece, Ayra ... a splitting image of her mummy, my younger sis!

The photo above was taken in KFC. At one point, Ryan loved eating the chicken at KFC. We used to go there at least once a week. I know, I know ... its not the most healthy of food but that's what my kid wanted ... so we go where Ryan eats the food, suckers we are. Lately we haven't been there much coz Ryan seem to not "appreciate" the food anymore. Besides, I have a bone to pick with KFC. I am a Chicky Club member (under Ryan's name coz only kids can join, duh!) so I get a 10% discount on certain purchases. What bugs me is that they sometimes tend to round up instead of rounding down the costs of each meal after the discounts (unlike NTUC, which rounds down).

I told the server once that if they insist of rounding up the cost, then I can pay with 1-cent coins (which I carry specifically for instances like this) but she said that they don't accept 1 cent coins (say what?!!!). They round up or down at their own discretion ... which is not right! Its not as if the membership is free! Yes, we do get free kiddy stuff upon subscription & a free magazine every quarter or so but that's besides the point. They should really standardise this issue ... & they shouldn't be charging their customers extra, when they use their cards. If this continues, I will definitely reconsider if I want to renew my membership for next year. Its the principle, not the miserly coins that matter to me. Arrgh!!!

One more shot, Mummy!

Aww! Look at their tilted heads ... they look so adorable together!

Mummy, look inside my mouth!

Hey, is that Snoopy on top?

Yup, its Snoopy all right!

Ryan, the ambulance driver?

Papa, can we go there next?

Over there, Papa!

A night look in Orchard.

A TRIP TO CHANGI AIRPORT

We decided to make a short stopover at the ever famous & efficient, one of the world's best airport - Changi International Airport. We brought Ryan here once, when he was much younger but this time round he appreciated the trip more coz he he seems to understand that the gigantic metal "creatures" on the runways were actually big, big planes.

As he calls them "copters" (short for helicopters), some passer-bys must be wondering why we teach our kid that aeroplanes are called helicopters but to heck with them. If my two year old son wants to call them copters, then copters they are. As long as he loves them & wish to call it whatever he wants to, I simply can't be bothered that people might think I am teaching my son the "wrong" thing. Who cares what they think?! If Ryan wants to call planes "copters", I'll be damned if I am gonna tell my son he is wrong, just to amuse those narrow-minded asses. So there!

Hhmmm ... his "wonderful" poses just keeps growing, doesn't it!

A sweet, saccharine smile for Mummy!

Papa, you hold the bag while I see the copters.

A wistful glance at the planes.

Concentrating hard on the aeroplanes taking off the runway.

Daddy showing the finer points of appreciating the flying metal birds.

Reaching high!

I don't want to go yet, Papa!!!

When we were done admiring the planes it dawned to me that it would be quite a while before we can take Ryan on board a plane. Eventhough, hubby & me have been to parts of Malaysia & Australia, it will be some time before we can afford the costs of travelling by plane, as a family of three. I really hope it will be soon because I want to take my son for a ride on a plane, one that he will love & enjoy. My dream is to bring him to a Disneyland, if not the one in the USA at least the one in Hong Kong or Japan. Well, I can hope & wish ... that it will be soon!

BACK-DATED POSTS & MORE ...

Ok some posts that were way long overdue - my mum's & hubby's birthday in April. As usual, it was a small family affair, with a chocolate cake & some yummy food for everyone to savour. Its funny how some members of my family have birthdays that are so close together or even fall on the same day. It does make things 'simpler' though as we tend to celebrate every one's birthday, albeit on a small scale, its easier if we can kill 2 birds with 1 small stone.

As there are 15 of us in this family, that makes out to be at least a dozen or so of celebrations. I ain't complaining ... though I really wonder when my parents are no longer around, whether we will still be celebrating each other's birthdays. Deep in my heart, I really doubt that it will continue, as my siblings & me each have our own families & lives ... It really does seem that my parents are really the ones "holding" up & "gelling" this family together, with them gone, I guess so will the "united front" that we have ...

I still hope that in the future that we will still be able to have our usual mini-gatherings, meet-ups & outings or even holidays together. It would be really sad ... & such a waste, if we decided to stop it totally coz at the end of the day, family is all you have, to me anyway. Friends, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbours, etc. they all come & go but your family will still be there for you. Sometimes, they may not be able to help much but their presence & support is everlasting & is always much appreciated. Family don't have ulterior motives & don't go round thinking of ways to screw you up or "con" you, like some people we know in our lives. Well, most family that is ... haha!

Happy Birthday to two of the most special people to me ... Mum & Hubby. They are both my ardent supporters & greatest critics. I don't know what I'll do without them in my life. They may be born on the same day but till today, I don't really see much similarities between those two (other than the fact that they both love me ... haha!), except for several instances. I know, they both love their family very very much & they are both extremely self-sacrificing ... hhmm, I guess they are more similar than not!

I do wish I can make their birthdays more special but I do hope in my own small way, they both know that I love & treasure their presence in my life. Mum has been there for me from day one, caring & loving me as a mummy; whilst hubby has restored my faith in love, when we started our lives together. We have been through countless ups & downs but I never once doubted that we will come out of it all, stronger. I am grateful for both their love & unconditional support, for I know sometimes I am hard to love. My stubbornness, opinionated mind & talkative nature can a lot of times, be over-bearing & barely tolerated, but they still choose to accept & love me.

Especially hubby, who has been having such a tough time at work ... he has been strong & steady, keeping his pride intact in face of adversity & criticisms. I love you darling. No matter what we have in store for the future, I have the utmost faith in you. No matter which way you choose to turn, you have my & Ryan's utmost support & love. We know you will succeed in your choices & that you will show all those disbelievers & critics that you are a gem. They doubt your capabilities & question your educational assets but they are the losers in the end. They do not see the hard worker, the self-sacrificing employee, the workaholic, the 1st to arrive & last to leave mentality that you have, they don't see your potential in a different field, they do not treasure what you are ... it is their loss!

I can see & know that you will be a great success for I have faith in you but most of all I know that you will work hard because you want a better life for your family & that is something that humbles me. I know that I am blessed to have you as my beloved hubby. You take care of me & Ryan without complaints & ruse, you do things without expecting anything in return. you love us for all that we are, you think of your family 1st & foremost. I can't ask for more ....

Just a few pics etched, to mark my mum's & hubby's special day!

My mum, my son Ryan & my niece, Ayra ... posing for memories.

One more shot Mama!

Ayra keeps her peace sign constant ...

Just simple food for all.

The cake we bought from Prima Deli. It was extremely delicious, I will definitely buy this again!

Hubby & my mum, & of course Ryan.


Hubby clapping away!

Birthday gal cutting the cake, whilst Ayra "grabs" the 1st available piece to munch.

The family sitting around.

The kiddy gang!

My sis having a bite.

My siblings round the table.